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Anger Management Message Board


Anger Management Board Index


I don't know why it is that I try.

Weeks, months...what does it matter; if it is here to this place that I'll once again return...in moments of uncontrolled, shaking with rage, pure emotion, anger...spent in screaming revolt.

I was fine. I was there doing my thing....and then in moments there was a whistle of white hot emotion uncontrollable...let loose and now no way to fix it, no way to put it back. In an instant...went from an action of trying to help, get flipped and turned. Intentions...who the fuck cares what the hell the intensions were. RESULTS, FUCKING RESULTS....can not be undone. One step forwards equals 2 miles backwards

Of course that is not really true...

I try because I'm weak willed spineless fool !! grasping.....because although I want to so badly...I don't have the conviction/follow through to use the knife; to drive to the bridge; to buy the gun and wait.....The anger passes and we go back to diversion, to life, to whatever it is called. Working towards goals, doing yoga, making steps, doing things...fine. Trying...and then some day, feeling sick, lack of sleep, crappy weather producing crappy traffic...tired...just wanting to get home to bed and patience of experience, making lists and plans wears out, feeling slighted, feeling used....powerless to make it all better...and all I want to do is break things slam doors, hit and throw things and scrEAM. And here we are again. Damage done....each time, more evidence, examples piled high, things that will never go away. More reasons to leave, should never have come.

What can be said, what can be offerered...when all was fine and in minutes, in moments I loose control of self and can do so much harm.





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