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Hi Kasey! You aren't alone. I am right here with you. It feels so alone at times doesn't it? That is why I come on these boards to find another friend to talk to who truly understands.

I have been under extreme stress for over a year now. My husband and I bought our dream house which we could not afford. Our realtor qualified us for a home we had no business buying. We have been here for 3 years now and have been unable to make our payments for quite some time. I have just been carrying this burden for so long. My husband has a great job and I actually have 3 part time jobs. So we make a good living, but we just can't keep up with it due to the economy. Our mortgage people won't return our phone calls. We haven't heard from them since last Sept. 08. Which is odd. I don't know if they have gone bankrupt or not. It's all so weird.

I am going through perimenopause too. So my body is changing alot. Anxiety and depression comes along with it. I worry about my health all the time. I have a fear of taking meds, any kind of pills. I will barely take a tylenol or anything. I am also Hypothyroid. So I deal with that, even though its under control right now. I have put on 30 to 40 pounds over the past 5 years. I have now lost 12 pounds so I am feeling better at least about that.

Last summer things starting getting rough for me with the stress. I started getting acid reflux. I tooks some meds and got it under control but then it cropped up again in early Dec. This time my doctor made me go in for an endoscopy which I just did this past friday. ( 2 days ago)I had to be sedated and it just freaked me out going through all this. I had myself worried up into a frenzy. And to top it off when it was done the doctor walked in and said he found NOTHING wrong inside me. Which don't get me wrong. I am so thankful!! But what is wrong with me?? Am I mental? I mean I know I do have acid reflux. I know I am feeling panicky and shaky.

The nurse suggested I quit taking all my holistic vitamins and things that I take. And she thinks I need to get on anxiety meds. Like Xanax. I don't want to be all drugged up.

Today I am laying in bed today just wishing I could get my life back. I want to be happy again and not worry about health stuff. I still have plenty of life to live. People just don't understand the dark hole this feels like unless they have been in it. I barely have an appetite and force myself to eat to have strength.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are ok today. You have a friend in me!:angel:

P.S. I will pray for good results for your husband. And as far as meds. Whenever I went on antidepressants the side effects are horrible. The only one I think seems to be good is the Xanax which I tried long ago.

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