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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


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Hurting,
I am so sorry. I almost cried when I read this. For the both of you.
Of course he loves you still. All of the rage and blame and depression are symptoms of BPD.
I have to disagree with rosequartz in one respect. Although I do think you should let yourself get over this relationship, her insinuation that BPD's are manipulative and a hopeless cause to be run from, that is as cruel as saying you shouldn't be with a diabetic because their illness makes you uncomfortable. It wouldn't make you a bad person, but it has NOTHING to do with the person, only their illness.
A BPD improperly medicated doesn't have many middle of the road emotions. Everything is fantastic and perfect or disasterous and hopeless. That is why he hates you so much right now. Because he loves you so much.
Any relationship, especially an intense one, takes time to get over. After only a year, I think it's fair that you are still trying to figure it all out and make some kind of connection with him again. You were together for a long time and it will be sometime before you heal. Don't rush it. That's just the way love is.

Someday you might find him knocking on your door, looking for that connection again. And THAT is the time you will have to be strong. Observe him carefully and make sure he is getting treatment and has been stable for some time. You have a child and you shouldn't expose her to an improperly or unmedicated BPD. They can be vicious, but it isn't in their control, not when they are in that state. And it sounds like he's let his thoughts spiral into the dark side. And he can only help himself there. You can reach out to him, help him get the proper meds and learn to manage his illness, but if he doesn't do it, you can't make him. And it will look like he's hurting you, but he's only hurting himself and he knows it. He is in tremendous pain and can't help himself.

As you may have guessed, I am BPD. I wasn't diagnosed until 36 and I have lost MANY men I truly loved because of the symproms of my unmanaged illness. It took losing a man I truly, deeply, madly loved to leave me because of it that I finally decided to take control of my illness.
This was less that a year ago, and I still think about him every day. Although he beat me up when I finally kicked him out for cheating on me, he blamed me for everything he did. To this day he won't talk to me. I tried to convince him that I'm stable now and just want to be his friend and he ignores every phone call and email I send. For all I know, he's deleting them without even checking.

He gave up on me and got himself a new girlfriend because he was so angry with me because of the symptoms of my illness. He was a jerk the way he did it, but I understand why. Yes, you would cut off your arm to save your own life. And that's exactly what he did.
I truly believed this man was my soulmate and he would never leave me no matter what. I have never been so devastated in my life and I've been BPD since about 7. But I am better now and I finally understand how to lead a productive life. So he gave me a very valuable gift.

I'm sorry for both of you. Take heart and know that he wasn't properly medicated and BPD does not mean living like that forever. It's a managable illness, like diabetes and many BPD's are stable for long periods of time with no problems.

Work on getting over him and know that he is ill and not mean. Let yourself heal, give yourself time. But don't wrap yourself up in a BPD who refuses to get proper treatment. They won't mean to hurt you, but they will.

Much love
littletimebomb





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