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My Manic Rage
Jun 19, 2003
{Kay Jamison, an Unquiet Mind, 1995) There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you're high it's tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars...but somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against --you are irritaable, angry,frightened, uncontrolable...It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.
The writer of this book knows, she is one of us;she puts the words so well and she is successful at UCLA

Why do our med fail us? I am just going along and boom, I just explode? It makes me wonder if the meds work at all. My depakote? I have never felt differently since I've started taking it, seroquel, puts me to sleep and klonopin does jack s***, what the hkeck? I am either depressed hypomanic (can't I just stay that way?), or Manic like yesterday. ugh, am I ever tired todayIt is noon,m should get dressed. but I am alive, and the day looks pretty.
I am glad my madness lasts only about 24-48 hours, but sad that they come so often. Maybe my pdoc and I need to work with my mood stabilizer a bit. Have any of you gone through this and then finally are normal as long as you take your meds? I am just hoping there is a light at the end of all of this, I had so many plans for my future, how can I go back to the world not knowing what each day will bring?





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