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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


Bipolar Disorder Board Index


Some days it really sucks having this disorder. I truly love my 5 year old daughter, who generally has a great disposition and the normal strong will of a 5 year old. My problem is that when I am stable whether or not she behaves, I am a patient, caring, loving and attentive Mom. When I am in a bad state and she is not behaving, I continually lose patience with her, scream at her (loudly), accuse her of ruining my day and then start blaming the poor thing for everything in my life. I don't physically abuse her but I do pull at her roughly. Like in the morning, this happens at least once a week, we pick out what she will wear the night before so that there is no arguing in the morning. Well, sometimes she decides she is not going to get dressed and she will lay on the couch, bed or whatever and refuse to get up. This morning I gave her a half hour to get herself ready and she was still laying there. At this point, I am stressed out because I have to be at work by a certain time and she has made me late on occasion (why should that be such a big deal? The other secretary who works here is occasionally late and she has no child to get ready in the morning). Anyway, I started pulling off her shirt and pants and she fell on the floor. Thank god she wasn't hurt. Then I screamed at her that she was already ruining my week.

I am scared to be a parent. I think part of the reason I do these mean things is because I was physically (and mentally) abused as a child and the second part I think is the disease. Anyway, I feel so bad after these "episodes" that I cry and cry, get depressed and think I want to die. I have explained to my daughter that Mommy goes to the doctor and takes medicine so that I get better, and don't yell and scream and get angry (that's what a book told me to do).

Are there any bipolar parents out there who can give me any advice on how to manage myself and these horrible examples I am setting for my daughter?





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