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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


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Hi everyone,
My answer to finding happiness again is by taking medication and to exercise. ( WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE)

I noticed in such a short period of time that I exercised my body that I began to feel better again. I was sincerely beginning to smile and have energy again. my body when I wasn't exercising was becoming stiff and painful, the joints, my muscles, my mind was forgetting things, I wanted to sleep more, I was depressed and miserable.
I am going for physical therapy in a pool now for my fibromyalgia and arthritis and found that by doing that, it gave me the push I needed to continue on my own at home to do light exercise and stretching. you get more oxygen flow to the brain which I really believe helps us feel better. something with endorphins I believe has something to do with that feeling. foods and even sex does that too I think.
I'm 47 years old and was feeling the age of a much older woman, say within the age range of late 80's.

I too am dx'd with bipolar and also G.A.D., (for those who don't know what that is) it's: [B]"general anxiety disorder".
[/B]I don't get panic attacks and I don't have social phobia. Not yet anyway...... there are times I don't want to go out in public and would rather be left alone away from people bumping into me or looking at me the wrong way.
I find myself yelling at people in public stores if I see them abusing their child in front of everyone. God only knows what they do in privacy.
I'm told to mind my own buisness because I can get myself into trouble.
what's wrong with coming to the deffence of an innocent child who's antsy shopping with his 18 yr old miserable and unhappy mother and grandmother?
what child wouldn't get antsy? the mother looked like she had an expression that was frozen into a frown, she looked scarey and threatening just by standing on line. I'm sure this girl never smiles at anyone! you can tell her life is miserable and that her dreams and expectations in life have not happened accordingly.
I'm very sensitve to others around me and especially working in a cramped office. I can begin to feel what they feel. it's not hard to do that. it's like walking along an avenue and you look up into a building finding someone staring at you. you can feel the person looking at you. did you ever have that happen to you?

Don't I as a citizen have the right to speak up? or am I really sick because I"m the only one that speaks up to others?

To get back to the original subject of unhappiness.....
It took me a long time to finally stop fighting the doctors and just try the medications they had to offer for bipolar. My psychiatrist asked me " dont' you want to feel normal" even if you don't go back to work ever, don't you just want to feel normal??? ( I've applied for disablity) I'm so tired of going thru 15 jobs in a matter of 10 years or so.

Of COURSE I was tired of being so unhappy all the time and Jag crying at work and at home or in the car and looking grouchy to others and not being aware how I really looked and sounded miserable to others, but not myself.

One day while driving my car, I happened to glance into the rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of my face. I was really shocked at what I saw...
I don't want to look like that and feel like that I told myself. I don't want to become old so quick and notice my life has passed before me and then die being so unhappy that I missed all the joy in life that was meant for me to have.
Some people have that chemical in their brains that make them feel happy, some don't and unfortunetly, the ones that dont' have to take medicine the rest of their lives.
Once, long ago, I was told by a therapist, everytime you notice you're thinking negative, put in your mind a "stop sign". just put it up everytime a negative thought comes. once you get adapted to that, you'll really start noticing how negativity can steal away what little happiness we have.

take the good days or the moments when you do feel happy and enjoy them.
we never know when we'll have a good day so we have to not question it when we are. our minds seek answers as to why we feel sad, or why we feel bad, and not really enjoying what's around us. alone for us to enjoy as an individual in this world. no one can take away our unhappiness. only we can. we can't depend on others to make us happy because sooner or later they will disapoint us in some way, right?

I found that by getting on an anxiety medication, and I went thru multiple pills trying to find the right one for my bipolar because the ones I did try were so potent to me they gave me such bad side effects. My system is very sensitive to drugs.
anyway, my psychiatrist FINALLY found a medication for me that I can handle. I don't have any weight gain with it, and I don't feel dizzy or constipate from it either. I have irritable bowel syndrome, the constipation form of it and certain medications can make it worst.
I am now on lamictal and I LOVE it!!!
I finally feel balanced inside. I finally can smile and truely find myself enjoying the earth again. the wild life, the woods, the flowers, the weather, even rainy days mind you..... so don't feel despaired.
say to yourself daily, over and over again and believe it with all your heart that you will find something in each day that makes you smile, or feel good. before you know it, you will become more aware of the things out there to make you happy again.
it's there for the taking. for free too. finally something we're not charged for, right?

oh, I wanted to say that my dr. started me off on the lamictal 25 mg, which the goal which would take a few months would be up to a total of 300 mg.

I started taking a 25 mg pill for 2 weeks at bedtime only. Then 2 pills at bed time once the two weeks were up, then 3 pills at bedtime for two more weeks, and the 2 in the morning and 2 at night and then 100 mg pill at night plus 2x 25 mg pill in the mornings and then after that we can increase faster.
I was told that a very dangerous rash can occur that is life threatening and that if you start off on a high dosage in the beginning they found that the rash appeared at those levels.
so they recommend going slow on this particular drug.
it's a miracle to me that I finally am able to stand a medication without getting sick and I'm finally able to have happiness back in my life again after all these years.

I wish you the best attempt in your life to find what it is that can make you happy. I understand what it feels like to be in your position. my thoughts are with you.

sincerely,

Linda





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