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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


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Strawberry,
I couldn't help but reply to you quickly when I read your heart breaking post.
I can hear in your words how much that man has scarred your thoughts.
you MUST forget those words he said.
I always thought that drill seargents and such were supposed to humiliate and degrade newbies so that they'd get tough.
but of course, this is only what I saw in the movies and have not experienced what you have in reality.
I commend you and must say you are a very, very strong person to have even wanted to go in the Army. Knowing full well there might be a chance you could get killed.
this man has killed your self esteem.

You sound like you have a very sensitive quality about you, otherwise I don't the words he said would have hurt you.

what he said to you would permanetly damage me for a long time to come too. I know full well I wouldn't be able to just get rid of those haunting words he displayed towards you. I wonder how many others he does this to?
maybe he LIKES putting people down because he KNOWS it will bother you.

for example, like being a bully back in grade school who wants to hurt others by words. Words are harder to deal with and feel worst than a punch or slap. because it's the brain and thought that holds onto things of the past. we are living in the now and we can't go back in reality, but our minds continue to do so. we won't give it up if someone insults us. the mind tries to figure it out, to see if what that mean person said is really true.

I can tell just by what you told me a little of what you do and what you did in life that you are by no means a worthless person. you should be honored that you went to fight for our country and for millions and billions of people you never met face to face.
That alone tells me a lot of how you are. Not many can do what you did. I have to say you have a lot of strenght and determination.
If one believes they are worthless and a person TELLS them are worthless, they begin to think maybe that person is right.
so you carry this with you in your mind for a long time and maybe even life depending on what and how much they hurt you.

we can't hide our fears about ourselves because it really rears it's ugly head to others.
I always thought I was hiding from others the days I'd feel sad, and angry at the world. But others saw it so clearly when I in fact thought it was hidden.
Maybe this supervisor knew it would hurt you!
I've HAD people tell me to my face that I have low self esteem and they asked me why I have it. they say I have so much going for me and that I"m a beautiful smart woman, when really inside I don't feel anything liek what they see. Talk about worthless. I"ve felt that way most of my life.
I don't know why though? if I knew, why would I be feeling that way. what a stupid thing to ask someone why they have such low self esteem?



The thing he said to you is the worst thing anyone can tell a person who is sensitive. I know, because i"m one of those people.
so much so, that I lost many jobs do to my thought process.
I never felt like I fit in with the other coworkers.

I also think the reason you're searching from job to job is that you THINK a certain job will make you happy. I too did that with every job I had.

because you're searching for something to make you feel whole and a purpose why you're alive. You have to feel happy about yourself in order to feel happy in life.

I think a lot of people do this.
I was still searching for a perfect job that I'd stay in till I retired. that was before I became emotionally disabled. thats' what they call it, so I'm saying it.
For some people, they CAN'T just work and take medicine and everything will be fine so they can do to work. there are different levels or severity of bipolar.
people will stay in jobs and be miserable all their lives because they think they're SUPPOSED to do it and they say we're not supposed to love our job and that we're supposed to work whether we like it or not. That's what my older brother always said to me because I'd go from job to job.
It wasn't the unhappiness that kept me going from job to job, but it was my bipolar interfering with the jobs.

maybe we are just thinking others are happy in their lives and jobs, when in reality their really in misery.

Did you ever go for a walk out in nature and just be quiet? what I mean is to keep the mind quiet from thinking about everything and anything?
did you ever just see and hear what's around you? like the magnificant 100 yr. old tree that is still standing after withstanding all the harsh storms? or the different melodies of all the different species of birds, or the sound of the water if you're near water?
that is keeping the mind still and enjoying what we're so distracted from because of our thoughts.
but it's hard to not think, isn't it? our minds are constantly chattering and constantly trying to find answers and solutions to our problems.We hold onto things that have disturbed us.
even when we sleep, our minds are still chattering and going over the events of the day.

I can feel your hurt.
I don't like to see others hurt. I'm the one that always wants to go and hug that person and tell them it's ok.
Back in grade school when kids are so mean to others and picking on people who are considered different from the norm, I would be the one that would flock to that person and be their friend. Because I too was just like that person.
I wouldn't be part of the crowd. I was too shy. I've always felt like I didn't belong. I used to think something was wrong with me because of that.

you are a good person Strawberry,NOT Worthless.

speaking of "strawberry hill" we used to LOVE that drink when we were starting to drink in our teens. LOL

I'm glad that all of you posted what happened to you and how and what you're going through now.the personal experiences and how they deal with it makes me think that there are solutions to having bipolar. but as I stated above, i think it effects everyone different. that's why some can work and others can't.
if I could work, I would.
I like the rewarding benefits of completing a task that's expected of me at a job.
So others, PLEASE don't make us feel that just because you can work while having bipolar that others can just push forward and work too.
It's not all in the mind that we can just push it aside and just work.
it's not because we don't enjoy working. it's because the bipolar interfers with our entire life. our relationships, our jobs, etc.
The label "bipolar" isn't just an excuse not to work. It can't be used as an excuse because its' real.
other wise the government wouldn't be handing out disability benefits.

thank you all.

Linda





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