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Can anyone here explain this to me? I have only heard about bipolar disorder with very "on the surface" details so I must admit that prior to my recent "revelations", I was very ignorant to this condition.

Someone that I dated for about a month recently broke up with me and I later discovered that he hid his bipolar disorder from me in fear that I would walk away from him. Everything was going very well during the first month. The feelings were extremely strong to the point where our feelings were VERY mutual in regards to loving each other. Then about a month into it, I had mentioned that I had broken up with someone due to the fact that he had ADD. I too have ADD and the person I was dating knew this. To sum it up, I basically said, "I do not think I can date anyone with those type of issues". Apparently it hit him hard and he did a complete 180 on me. He broke up with me, and all feelings seemed to have just washed away.

Not to go into detail but we were both drunk and to talk about our prior relationships was stupid. Additionally, I had left out a LOT of information to what I meant by that and it had nothing to do with a reference to not accepting bipolar. But regardless, he said nothing after that and within days, it was over.

I thought about the entire time we were together and it became more and more clear to me that I had disclosed a LOT about myself. I have ADD and a genetic disorder. I was also arrested for a felony charge at one point (record is now clean). I disclosed even the most trivial things such as my flat feet, etc. So to me, it seems that because of what I disclosed (I never tell people about me ADD or genetic disorder unless they are close to me) and the multiple times I have talked to him about my ADD and my medication and he openly accepted all of it, it seems like those would have been good opportunities for him to tell me. With that said, I recently realized that I do not think he would have disclosed his condition to me and he was going to break it off with me anyway - regardless of what I said. He seemed to have been judging me and even though we both expressed our feelings very clearly, he still waited for *something* and the longer he waited, the higher of a risk for me to "slip up" and did I so with that one sentence.

He now has completely disappeared. He's also medicated but I know that to a degree, the bipolar does surface (I know my ADD does even though I'm on meds). He apparently made his "final decision" that it's over.

Prior to him saying it's "final", he did something in front of me with another person at a bar. He was heavily drunk and I watched him and he watched me makeout with someone else. This was the first time I saw someone that I honestly did not recognize. It literally seemed like he was possessed - not because of what he was doing, but because he knew I was there and he wanted to make sure I saw it. This was also a week after I said what I said at the restaurant.

The day after that, he finally admitted to me that he has bipolar disorder and at the same time, even though I said that I do not care about his condition and that i forgave him and that we can work it out, he ultimately decided that it was his final decision to not be with me. Additionally, he told me about his red flags about me in regards to being myself and being happy with myself. Seems like he was projecting a lot of what his psychiatrist may have said to him.

So can anyone give me some insight on what happened? I know that I cannot be angry with all of this because to some degree, I understand that it's the bipolar part of him that is creating this power to just push me away. At the same time, with what he did at the bar, I feel that he has an extreme level of guilt/shame for himself and his condition.

I've reached out to him for the last time a few days ago. I expressed my feelings once more and I told him that it's not about giving me a chance or "us" a chance but ultimately it's really giving himself this chance to set aside his fears.

Did I approach this correctly? I don't think I still fully understand what may be going through his mind. I know that bipolar is different for every person. I am not even concerned about getting together at this point. That part of me has accepted this. But it's the fact that I just feel utterly confused and do not fully understand what happened. :confused:
I have done a lot of research after that incident and the day after he apologized (this was also when he FINALLY told me that he was diagnosed with bipolar. he apparently felt the need to after he did that at the bar because he felt horrible about the incident the next day).

To be honest, I do not know. I've been reading very "mixed" things about people that date others with this condition. At the same time, I would be okay with going through things such as understand how the condition affects him (since it's different for every person) and I would also go to seek help to deal with it as a couple.

Like I said, after I had said "I cannot deal with people with 'those' issues" in reference to people with ADD (but there was so much more detail within that statement), he took it VERY personally and that's when he just bombed. His whole 180 probably happened within the next 2 days after. Not saying that the bipolar had 100% to his shedding those emotions so quickly but I've realized that he was in constant pressure to tell me and never did. We had shared everything else (our feelings, my darkest secrets, etc) and as things got deeper and deeper, I think he felt that it was just too late. At the same time, with him waiting, I finally "slipped" and he was deeply offended.

I recently sent a "closure" letter to him after I had done all of my research even though he had considered it final and verbalized it to me. At that time, I did not fully connect everything in regards to his behavior, the disease, etc. But once I did, I felt obligated to. It was a very long letter but explained how I started to connect all the dots and now they make sense. At the same time, I did not say anything hurtful. I acknowledged to him that I am not angry and I KNOW that is it not my fault or his and voiced to him that out of everything that him knowing that he was not at fault is the important thing to me.

I even pleaded to him to take chances - not for anyone else but to give *him* a chance to be in a relationship and not hold back the fact that he has bipolar disorder. I can sense that he has extreme guilt/shame for what happened. He won't even call or email me back and I understand why and will not push the subject. At this point, I will just wait. If he doesn't contact me, then he doesn't. If he does, then I would like to ask questions and talk it through. I am at the point where I realize that it's up to him to make the move and I"m not talking about doing the whole "dating game" thing. I've exhausted my resources to be able to contact him and I know that it really is up to him as he is going through some sort of "phase" and from what I had gathered, the person with the condition can take a VERY long time to finally snap out of it and contact the other person again. At that point, I will not know where I will be but as of right now, I am open to options - that's if he's willing to accept them as well.


[QUOTE=Bedazzled;3988410]You seem to have "approached it correctly". But do you want to be with someone who already gave you a glimpse of perhaps, things to come --->



Think before you leap.[/QUOTE]
I keep reading various topics about people with bipolar disorder and it's become apparent to me that looking back from day 1 of our relationship, there were signs - like how things just moved so fast. He said "I love you" over the phone about a week and half into it and then later clarified it as a "mistake" and how he accidentally said it as a "good-bye" prior to hanging up. I actually did have those feelings but thought to myself "it's the honeymooning period. Just let the dust settle and then you'll think a little clearer".

Then he planned a trip in September. I was utterly flattered but at the rate things were going and how well we synced, I said "yes".

Also, I'd like to clarify that I am not a "prude". I have dating experience and usually know within a day or so if the person I am with is a potential mate. I saw it in this guy after the first weekend we hung out. Everything just clicked so well.

I'm thinking about seeing a professional about all of this. Not about how I'm handling the break-up (I'm actually fine) but I think I need someone to fully explain to me *what* happened and if it really was his bipolar or something else. I guess for me its...I have to know. I don't think about it much anymore but it does get to me when I try to think too much into it.

Also, I thought about texting him to just say "I hope all is well". No underlying motives and I'm not even expecting a response. I do care for him and want him to know that I do. Or should I just leave it be and let him deal with whatever he's dealing with?
[QUOTE=dreams in neon;3994866]Thank you for the clarification. I did read the entire thread, but I only responded to your most recent post.

You asked how long mania lasts. It varies from person to person. It can last anywhere from a day to several months. My longest manic episode was from December 2004-March 2006, but I was undiagnosed and unmedicated at the time. My mania started off with moderate psychosis, but by the time February 2006 came, I was severely psychotic and lost orientation x3 (person, time and place). It took me 3.5 weeks of IP treatment to come down from my mania and knock on wood I haven't had a severe episode like that since. I have been psychotic a number of times due to mania, but not to that extent.

Depakote is a mood stabilizer taken by most people who have BPI since it is designed to treat mania. It can also be taken by those who have BPII and are also on an anti-depressant. Some people with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) also take Depakote to help with anxiety.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned, he may need some time to himself to sort out his feelings.

Having said that, he should have given you an explanation at the very least as to why he stopped communicating with you. If he would have told you he wasn't ready to continue the relationship, I'm sure you would have respected that and either moved on or decided to wait for him to contact you.

I do hope that he is able to work through whatever feelings he is currently experiencing. I think you are to be commended for continuing to show him support and having the desire to continue seeing him despite the abrupt manner in which he left things.

If I ever choose to end the relationship I've had with my boyfriend of 3 years, I can only hope he will decide to do the same.[/QUOTE]


It was only a little over a month that we were together but like I said, the feelings between the both of us were SO strong and mutual. At the same time, I've been reading up on a lot of things about bipolar and it seems that people with this condition that date tend to do this whole wave of dating and feeling this amazing euphoria and then after a few weeks or so, they just cut it off. Not sure if that's what happened.

So would it be wise to reach out to him once in awhile to just say "hi"? I dare not call him but I have texted and emailed him. I don't do that whole "I miss you" thing anymore. I just say stuff like "hope everything is well", etc. At the same time, I feel *slightly* stupid and maybe even desperate doing that when he doesn't respond at all. Also, I don't even know if I should be reaching out to him while he's going through his phase (or if he still is?).

In regards to your episodes, with your meds...do you still go through them or are they all gone? Also, if you still go through them, I take it they are more "controlled" in a sense a that do not last as long as before, etc?
[QUOTE=psukid13;4000617]Thank you so much for the response. I guess it's because I finally got to see him and I finally now KNOW that he's alive and walking around, I feel much better. Additionally, for me, I know that there was at least a small window for him to say what he needed to - on Friday AND Saturday when we both saw each other out and he didn't. I really can't in any other way let him know that it's at least okay to say "hi" to people. Oh well. Live and learn, I guess.

The one thing that I did learn from this are the facts about this condition and reading the numerous stories about it. It has certainly put a lot of wrinkles on my brain and I am very happy to have learned about something that I never really knew anything about. Thanks again for the responses.[/QUOTE]

I hope this experience won't deter you from dating another person who has bipolar.

Bipolar affects each of us differently. Some people drink when on meds; many do not.

Some people take responsibility for their actions when manic while others blame it all on the disorder and use it as an excuse.

It saddens me to hear stories about people like you who try to reach out to others only to be disappointed in the process.

Again, please do not let this discourage you from befriending or dating someone with bipolar.

Just like people who do not have mental illness, we are all very different in the way we choose to approach our illness.
[QUOTE=dreams in neon;4000630]I hope this experience won't deter you from dating another person who has bipolar.

Bipolar affects each of us differently. Some people drink when on meds; many do not.

Some people take responsibility for their actions when manic while others blame it all on the disorder and use it as an excuse.

It saddens me to hear stories about people like you who try to reach out to others only to be disappointed in the process.

Again, please do not let this discourage you from befriending or dating someone with bipolar.

Just like people who do not have mental illness, we are all very different in the way we choose to approach our illness.[/QUOTE]

No. It does not deter me at all. Actually, when he first told me (right after the breakup), I felt so much closer to him that I ever had cause it made him into this "real" person and it went along the lines of me telling him about my ADD early on. But the reality is that he told me because he soon realized how much he had emotionally hurt me the night before and that's when I received his e-mail telling me that he is bipolar.

But no...this does not deter me at all. Again, from my research, I've come to realize that this condition is different with everyone. It's like a unique fingerprint. I know the "real" him is a sweet and loving guy and I'm not even going to say that his condition makes him into this "other" person. In reality, I think it's his unwillingness to accept and be happy with himself that is making everything the way it is. His bipolar condition pales in comparison to what he is really dealing with - the battle of himself.





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