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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


Bipolar Disorder Board Index


Hi! Thank you for your reply... I know it may seem silly but the fact that someone replied already makes me feel better...
OK so here's the low down on whats going on with me...

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was around 13... so like 10 years ago. (Bipolar II I am fairly certain - no mania, many lows)... Anyhow, I was **** as a child and seeked help for that. I was on a few different meds over the years but always found they made me worse - I was just so angry at myself all the time that I couldnt control my own brain (I know its not necessarily like that, but I couldnt help but feel that way). I saw a lot of people and eventually learned how to deal without the meds. My life has been great without the meds. I still struggle pretty much on a daily basis and always have, though it was managable.

Lately I have been struggling a little too much for my liking again... A month or so ago my husband and I were having crisis talks about our marriage because he has been so didtant and withdrawn for over a year now. Since then we have been working on our marriage and everything is getting back to normal - though we both know it will take time to fully restore.
i'm not even sure if our marriage 'troubles' (for want of a better word) have anythng to do with the way I'm feeling... and to be quite frank, I'm not even sure how i AM feeling... I just know somethings not quite right with me... Today, during my husbands lunch break he came home to visit me and asked me what was wrong (as i didnt want to tell him because i didnt want him to worry about me) and i had a minor hysterical moment where i just clung to him and sobbed... I am NOT a clingy person and dont often miss him while he is at work - not that i DONT miss him, but i never think about it really, its just 8 hours of the day... Today I just couldnt bare the thought of him leaving because I didnt want to be alone with myself because I am scared.

One of the huge reasons I didnt want to tell him that I was struggling a little more than usual is that his brothers wife has severe mania and has caused a lot of grief for the whole family - and since they dont 100% 'understand' its very difficult for everyone... I read through 'imgoing2loseit' 's thread and she is pretty much exactly how he was describing his wife. I dont want to discuss it with anyone I know (barr my husband) because no one ever understands, and I am so fearful of my inlaws realising that I am struggling because I dont want them to jump to conclusions... (they know I am bipolar and have always been so proud of me for the way I handle myself med free)... But it must be hard for them because both of their sons have married bipolar women... \

Anyway, This is long enough already and I'm not really 100% sure I know what to say exactly... I just think I need people to talk to... maybe ask me questions as I am more than happy to answer anything, I just dont know how to start it... if that makes any sense?
[QUOTE=Buccaneer;4013323]Hi! Thank you for your reply... I know it may seem silly but the fact that someone replied already makes me feel better...
OK so here's the low down on whats going on with me...

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was around 13... so like 10 years ago. (Bipolar II I am fairly certain - no mania, many lows)... Anyhow, I was **** as a child and seeked help for that. I was on a few different meds over the years but always found they made me worse - I was just so angry at myself all the time that I couldnt control my own brain (I know its not necessarily like that, but I couldnt help but feel that way). I saw a lot of people and eventually learned how to deal without the meds. My life has been great without the meds. I still struggle pretty much on a daily basis and always have, though it was managable.

Lately I have been struggling a little too much for my liking again... A month or so ago my husband and I were having crisis talks about our marriage because he has been so didtant and withdrawn for over a year now. Since then we have been working on our marriage and everything is getting back to normal - though we both know it will take time to fully restore.
i'm not even sure if our marriage 'troubles' (for want of a better word) have anythng to do with the way I'm feeling... and to be quite frank, I'm not even sure how i AM feeling... I just know somethings not quite right with me... Today, during my husbands lunch break he came home to visit me and asked me what was wrong (as i didnt want to tell him because i didnt want him to worry about me) and i had a minor hysterical moment where i just clung to him and sobbed... I am NOT a clingy person and dont often miss him while he is at work - not that i DONT miss him, but i never think about it really, its just 8 hours of the day... Today I just couldnt bare the thought of him leaving because I didnt want to be alone with myself because I am scared.

One of the huge reasons I didnt want to tell him that I was struggling a little more than usual is that his brothers wife has severe mania and has caused a lot of grief for the whole family - and since they dont 100% 'understand' its very difficult for everyone... I read through 'imgoing2loseit' 's thread and she is pretty much exactly how he was describing his wife. I dont want to discuss it with anyone I know (barr my husband) because no one ever understands, and I am so fearful of my inlaws realising that I am struggling because I dont want them to jump to conclusions... (they know I am bipolar and have always been so proud of me for the way I handle myself med free)... But it must be hard for them because both of their sons have married bipolar women... \

Anyway, This is long enough already and I'm not really 100% sure I know what to say exactly... I just think I need people to talk to... maybe ask me questions as I am more than happy to answer anything, I just dont know how to start it... if that makes any sense?[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you've been through alot. I want to emphasize that taking meds to treat bipolar is not a sign of weakness. I take several meds for my bipolar and do not feel ashamed for doing so. It took 2 incidents before I finally realized that when I am off of my meds, I am a person I do not like.

As far as your in-laws are concerned, you may want to have them read an excellent book by Julie Fast called "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder." It outlines some of the challenges couples face when one or more members have bipolar.

There are so many misconceptions about what bipolar is and isn't. This is one of the reasons why I will not tell anyone that I have bipolar. I'm starting to address this with a new therapist, so hopefully at some point I will feel comfortable enough with my diagnosis to be able to share it with others.

Coming to a bipolar message board like this one is different because no one knows who I am. It's when I meet people in person that I worry about becoming a "friend who has bipolar" instead of being seen, appreciated and loved for the person I am on the inside.





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