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Bipolar Disorder Message Board


Bipolar Disorder Board Index


I haven't posted in a long time. I had been doing well, managing life somehow. But now I think I lost my mind. I don't know who to talk to. I am Bipolar, but I have always been able to manage my moods until lately. I take Prozac, because either way other meds didn't help.

My husband is on his third deployment, and I feel left behind. I feel so alone. I know better, I have been deployed as well. I know he is doing his job, and I am very proud of him. But I still feel alone.

I work at home, so I am alone all day, so I have been going to an American Legion around here, I was also in the military before. I consider the people who go there like family.
I have been there for support and company.
Lately seems that I have no common sense, I want to find out if this has anything to do with being bipolar.
I keep getting myself in trouble and in awkward situations. It started with just kissing a guy here and there, but never in public.
That started drama and gossip. I cared for a while, and now, seems I threw all common sense out the window. I don't want to ruin my marriage. I love my husband so very much. but I seem to be getting away from myself, like some wild teenager.

I almost feel like I have to watch my wild child and keep her home. But I go crazy sitting home alone. I tried signing up for quilting at the Church and trying to go to excercise classes. I can't seem to organize myself. I missed some of the places I was supposed to be at. I didn't show up for 2 weeks now.

I keep going to this place and drinking and seem to get into situations. I am not sure, I think sometimes I don't know who I am. Sometimes I think I just want to feel alive.

Yesterday I was there. I was texting a friend, I was getting so very inappropriate, but he was just going along with it. I think I lost my boundaries. I had a few drinks but wasn't drunk. I let one of my friends kiss me inside the bar. I didn't care if anyone was watching. I was reckless and somehow I didn't care anymore. It's like I am just so self destructive.

This morning I scared myself. I downloaded the pictures from yesterday. Someone took a couple of pictures of me. I saw them and I don't recognize me. That is not me! is it possible to split personalities? I am starting to wonder.

The friend I was texting knows me for many years now. He said it was his fault that he got me talking like that to him. he tried to apologize. I asked if I still sounded like me. I remember what I said to him. I remember all of it. And I don't feel like taking it back. But that is not like me. He said it's ok, and we can talk after work.

I am the person who was a good wife. Worked like anyone else, went to Church, and was involved in Church activities. I am the Chaplain for the Ladies Auxiliary. I just went to the cemetery yesterday to present the wreaths for the American Legion. I am a good person. Or at least I try to be.

I feel like I have some wild child hiding in here somewhere, and I let her take the reins for a while. Then I wonder how I got there.

Does this make any sense? I am afraid to tell my Psychiatrist.

Can someone split personalities when Bipolar?
Thank you for your patience if you read all this.

I feel like a kite, and someone cut the string (when my husband left) Now I am that kite just flying around bouncing here and there. And people (men) keep reaching for it, and I let them. What is wrong with me?:(





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