... I feel for you! it is very frustrating. you give until you feel you will break, and it's still not enough. I keep telling myself "boundaries, boundaries!!!" but it's hard to apply them isn't it?
I can offer a bit of perspective, because although now I'm a caregiver to 3 needy people, not long ago, I was the sick person who needed help (went from being very active and fit to... (17 replies)
... e her with her oxygen tanks, monitor her, keep records and help her get from one machine to the other. She's on a maintenance program, but unlike most the other people there, she has to have someone there assisting her. It takes about 3 hours round trip. ... (17 replies)
... I kind of stumbled onto this site and, wow, did it bring back some memories! My Father in law required nearly full time help for much fo the last two years of his life--his daughter(who lived close by) was wonderful, but was always so busy she couldn't do much more than give his place a lick and a promise--so his condo was always filthy...he ate out a lot, but wouldn't fix... (17 replies)
... AL environements are wonderful and you are so right they can also be affordable. to me i would feel as is i had my privacy but people there to help when needed. ... (17 replies)
... You are not alone:
I hear you about the parents. My mom (now deceased) was the queen of demanding. My dad has Alzheimers and now lives in a nursing home.
We had an aide for them too for a couple years. During the "boring" times when the aide is done with the chores, have her take them for a walk (short, if needed) engage them in something interesting (ours did... (17 replies)
... Hi YouAreNotAlone-------- people like you go straight to heaven. It is one the the hardest things you'll ever do. the exhaustion and frustration are very hard to deal with. I am glad this aide is working out and willing to help. We all think when we get a break that we have to do something. Take some time when you can and just sit and relax.:) (17 replies)
... e to care for themselves and are more or less left there to think about what is wrong with them and their own mortality but i also truly believe that independent people hate the thought of others having to care for them and i believe that is a big part in their mood. ... (17 replies)
... Thanks Sharon, Misty and ICC. I was enlightened by your posts. It has helped me see it a little differently. Before I read your posts, it just made no sense to me that someone would be demanding and self-centered when you are already doing a zillion things for them. I can imagine though, they are bored, can't do anything for themselves or by themselves. I guess it would... (17 replies)
... Hi Youarenotalone
I understand how draining and frustrating it is for you both but try and look at it from a different perspective........
Your parents have gone from being independant people, raising yourself, bringing in the money, healthy, and no doubt active people.......they have gone into having to rely on you for everything and this may be their way of dealing... (17 replies)
... Frustration at their own situation is what makes older people demanding, etc. They are frustrated because they cannot do things when they want it done. ... (17 replies)
... laws were lovely people but at times they were mean and rude. part of the reason there other children wouldn't help. din't like being talked to like that. ... (17 replies)
... This whole situation has stressed me out to the point I don't know who I am anymore, yet they seem oblivious, and keep demanding more. I don't get it. My husband and I moved in with my parents so they could stay in their house, and they act like they are doing us a favor. huh? ... (17 replies)
... I admire you for even still being around to tend to their needs given the horrible childhood they provided you. For that you should be commended.
I honestly cannot imagine that I would be as tolerating as you have been in the face of what you've experienced. I suppose I am a heartless sort but I would be washing my hands of them after finding them an appropriate assisted... (14 replies)
... e to do other than complain to the caregiver, be demanding, etc. They usually want the caregiver to do things the way they always have done them, forgetting that people do things differently and end up with same results. It is hard to be a puppet. ... (1 replies)
... was gone almost all the time because of his demanding job. ... (6 replies)
... Jane, First, please let me clarify something. When I wrote that even abusive people deserve quality care, I was trying to let you know that it was OK if you needed to place him in a skilled nursing environment. ... (6 replies)
... toilet herself. Nor dress herslf. Or get into or out of bed. The stroke has severely affected her speech. BUT she understands everything. My mother is very demanding and requires my attention more and more. I'm unable to leave her for even an hour and have had to hire people to be with her when I go out. ... (9 replies)
... I signed a year lease to live w/ my mother. It's a long story but my sister wanted me to pay rent for a tiny studio my mother was renting from her for an obscene amount of money. You would've thought we were living in NYC or LA, not Tampa Florida but for whatever reason, my sister wanted to stir the dyfunctional family pot. I refused, she threatened to sue me. I told her... (16 replies)
... Please explain this to me. All I want to do is help him, without losing my own mind. Too many people depend on me, and I already have bleeding ulcers, general anxiety disorder, hypoglycemia, and sciatica. ... (6 replies)
... ove into our spare room. BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life. I like coming to work to get away from home. My husband and I fight all the time. It is not pleasant. SHe is demanding in her own way. I take care of all her doctors, dentists, and other appointments. I clean up her messes and there are plenty. ... (7 replies)