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Death & Dying Message Board


Death & Dying Board Index


Re: Why me??
Oct 1, 2006
[QUOTE=chloesmyangelxx]i do not know wat to do with myself....... 6 months ago i gave birth to a beautifull baby girl (my first child) but cruely after complications during the labour she died at 19 hours old!!! i was and still am truely devastated my family an friends have been really great and very supportive. i was single and planned to bring my daughter up on my own which i was really loooking forward too but that is no longer possible. 2 weeks after my daughters passing we held her funeral which i cannot really remember i visit her grave regularly but often dont stay there long as i dont know wat to say to her!! A week after her funeral my grandad also passed away bringing even more hurt to me and my family he was like my father rather than my grandad and i simple dont know wat to do with myself anymore, i have lost 2 of the most important ppl in my life an with that iv also lost my get up an go!!!:confused:[/QUOTE]

Hello:

I am a man and a father. I have no doubt that the biggest loss for a human being is the loss of a child. It takes a very long to heal, and actually it may never heal completely again. Which, mind you, doesn't mean that you will never be ok again.

If your daughter died, there must have been a concrete cause for it. I don't know, I am just speculating, but maybe she had an incurable disease and wouldn't be strong enough to live a life healthy enough to make it viable. I know this sounds like a consolation, but maybe her death was not an accident after all, if you see what I mean.

I know that this is your decision and not anyone else's business, but from my own experience, I can tell you that bringing up a child within a family, with a couple engaged and involved in it, is very much of a task. Now, imagine how hard it can be for a single parent. Maybe you could go over your decision and find that next time around it'd be better and safer to have a commited partner on your side.

As for communicating with your daughter, if it is really urgent for you, the idea of the (burnt) letter sounds ok to me. The same would apply to your grandfather. Or maybe you could try and talk to her/them in your dreams. What you really seem to need is to exorcize your pain and your guilt, if any, and realize that, despite having lost these two precious people, you still have a long life to live and many more significant people to meet, if you just look in the right places.

Best to you,

JC





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