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HIV Prevention Message Board


HIV Prevention Board Index


Hi everyone,

I'm new to HealthBoards and I would like to share my story.

My first experience with a prostitute was with a transsexual streetwalker whom I picked up to have protected oral sex. This was somewhere in 2007. I was 21 then.

Since then, I have had numerous visits with prostitutes, both of the transsexual kind (these were mostly protected oral/anal/'vaginal') and of the normal kind (female). You can say that I belong to the high-risk group of individuals, high-risk lifestyle and not thinking straight. Out of these numerous visits, I can only remember one instance of unprotected sex, (which occurred in Phuket,Thailand) sometime in June, 2011.

Recently, I quit smoking, an addiction which I have had since 17 (total of 7 years). As most smokers know, it doesn't start off with many sticks per day, but it eventually tapered off to about 10-15 sticks per day. Making it 1 pack of cigarettes every 2 to 3 days. When I mean 'recent', I state that I quit around 1 month ago, with symptoms initially not so strong, and got a little worse progressively.

Let me state now.

I have NEVER been tested for HIV. My last sexual encounter was around 2 months plus ago, unprotected oral sex from a streetwalker.

Up to the point whereby I quit smoking, everything seemed normal. Prior to that, I would get sick occasionally, never had a problem with prolonged, high fever or skin rashes. To think back, I have only had occasional cases of sore throat, and the occasional flu.

When I quit smoking, I think (I say 'think' because I was not diagnosed for this by any doctor) I had some anxiety/depression issues. I would cry to sleep on some nights, thinking about my high-risk sexual lifestyle. Recently, I not missed a single prayer for the past week, asking God to prevent me from contracting HIV. I am so scared now. Previously, I seemed to be ignorant, when all the resources of the Internet is just a click away. I am so scared now. All my hopes and dreams of a proper future seem to be out the door now. I am so scared. Why?

Because I can't stop diagnosing myself with all the symptoms of HIV/AIDS. I know that I should get a HIV test done to test positive my worst fears, but I'm simply too terrified now.

Recently, I've read up a lot from HealthBoards, learning and getting progressively more scared at the same time. Some members would probably berate me and just tell me to get tested, but I just require some peace of mind and courage before I go for the HIV test. I have the following symptoms (as I'm not an expert, please tell me if you think they just in my head or a true symptom of ARS/AIDS):

[U]1) Diarrhea[/U]
This has happened to me for the past 3 to 4 days. I seem to ease up this morning, with the stool being of the same color as the soft one before (black).

[U]2) Night Sweats[/U]
Again, this has happened to me for the past 3 to 4 days, and has seemed to reduce after I changed my fan to a stronger one. Do ARS/AIDS night sweats have to be drenching night sweats for them to be considered? I asked because I noticed this night sweats recently, which are NOT of a common occurrence to me. When I say night sweats, I define them as a noticeable difference in sweating, in particular causing my pillow to be wet, although not to the extent of drenching the whole pillow. It seems to just occur in my head and neck region.

[U]3) Sore Throat/ Funny Taste in Mouth[/U]
My tonsils doesn't seem to be swelling, but my throat often feels a little dry, and I would need to drink a glass of water to counter this feeling. The funny taste that I describe in my mouth seems to be metallic, similar to tasting blood, though I don't suffer from bleeding gums, etc.

I have had a 'calling' of sorts recently, ever since I quit smoking and I am extremely saddened by my past behaviors, etc. I am a little paranoid, as I have also read up about the side effects of smoking withdrawals, but I do not find much online stating anything about experiencing night sweats/ a bout with diarrhea, so late in nicotine withdrawal. I am so scared.

There is never a night in which I don't pray and ask God for forgiveness for my past sins. I feel as though as I can't turn to anyone else besides Him. I find it a little weird how I haven't experienced any ARS/HIV/AIDS symptoms before, but now, it seems as though these 'symptoms' seem to occupy my mind so very much. At the same time, I'm also thinking if my previous bouts with fever/flu/cough in which I self-medicated/GP-medicated, were in actuality ARS/AIDS symptoms. I am so scared.

Can someone please advise me on possible courses of action?

Much appreciated,
Stupid.





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