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HIV Prevention Message Board


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Hi, I don't know why I'm back here. I guess not my lucky year again. Anyway here my story see if you can help me out.
On July 8 I having sex with a sex worker (I'm a male and sex worker is a she) we have sex than condom broke while I'm trying to insert from behind her and I'm not sure if my penis inside her or not when it broke, all I know is that I heard it broke and get it out as fast as I can between her leg, not sure if it in or not because she lay down with two legs straight I was on top behind try to insert. Anyway what done have been done so I put another condom and trying to finish it. After we done I ask her if she was hiv free and she told me yes and she tested every 6 month. I try to come down as I can and not to think about it. Next day I come back to see her with an oral hiv test kits in hand and test her she is negative. So I think she is fine, that why I did not use PEP. After that I come home and 3 days later my penis is burn and got one bump. My doctor said I have herpes. So I take herpes medication call valacyclovir for 10 days( I think I may got hsv 1 from my gf from oral sex)
After 17 days I test full std everything include hiv antibody and also using new test call MPX Hiv 1-2, hcv, hbv PCR test (this test is FDA approve for donor screening). This new test pcr is accurate 99.8% at 7-10 days. The guy at the clinic said 17 days consider conclusive 100% and not recommend any more test. So all my test come back negative or non react, except hsv 1. I do believe in pcr test but this time it little different due to valacyclovir herpes medication.
I read online some new studied said valacyclovir may suppress or stop hiv viral from replication.
So my question is does my test accurate?? Does valacyclovir for herpes effect my result?? What should I do now?? I'm really worry! Please help.
I can't forget and move on. My mind keep thinking about hiv and the people online keep said that Pcr test are not accurate!! I'm now feel stupid to trust my pcr and my early antibody test that I sleep with my girl friend!! I should have wait 3 month!! I feel so bad and mess up more. My girl friend are so in love with me I tell her everything and she still want to be in relationship with me and she told me if we die we die together. I feel like an ******* when she told me that all I want is to cry and feel my dumb *** life why did I do this dumbass stuff. I even try to let her go when this happen but she won't leave. I feel lucky to have her but the same time I feel the guilty and how dumb I am never to realize how much I love her until now!! I hope everything be ok. So I can get back to my life and give her all the love I can!! I pray to god and hope he forgive me, I know my sins!!! Please god you can punish me all you want but not her!! Please help me what should I do now???
It is hard to be a man, if you are one you understand what I'm talking about. Before every 30 min, my mind keep thinking about sex, I sometime try to stop it but it keep happen. Now when this happen every 1 or 2 min I think about is hiv, std. I think condom will never fail me but it did, I wish I should never trust it. I feel so dumb to have 15-30 min of feel good and than feel bad for 3 month or life it does not worth anything. And I think I have said this before and now I did it again am I an *** or what? I have promise myself and god before that I will not go out and have sex with other lady but I did it again!! I hope nothing happen to me and my girlfriend, because I have a lot to do and a lot of love to give. I was planing to buy a house for my girlfriend and planning to have family. Now I feel it may be over. I just turn down my offer for new home because of this, and I can do anything much right now, no energy for anything, even work. I'm scare I may lose work :( Smiteler how did you handle it??
When is symptoms of hiv, I do not have any symptoms except diarrhea, which I think due to anxiety I'm 4 week now should I still worry about symptoms if I sunderly have a flu???? Sorry my English is not so good hope you can understand me, thank you for your comment lately it really help me a little bit peace of mind. I do not have some one to talk to except here.
Each day count down, 3 month is a long time! Everyday suffering and praying, can't keep my mind away from it. I don't know how much more can I take! The guilt, depression, worry, anxiety, panic attack... I scare to test again because so many post of false positive, but I have to. If I get that, I don't what I will do. I hope everything will be the same and the result will not change after this couple more month. I try not to think and not to read online but it hard. Before I never see anything on tv talk about hiv that much until now. Maybe I don't pay attention, now everywhere I go there hiv sign or people talk about it. It like a reminder, I know what I did and what I think before is bad that why now I need to suffer for what I did, and the bad thinking. I hope god can forgive me, so that I can forgive myself and back to my life. I promise to do a lot of good thing, love more, and love the life that god give me more!
[QUOTE=joggen;5310667]God has nothing to do with it. Reality does. HIV is not some kind is punishment handed out from above. The reality is that your risk level is not worthy of concern.

There is a slight risk that a plane or meteorite could fall from the sky and kill you while you are reading this, but you don't give it a second thought. That should be your attitude for this situation. There is really no realistic chance that you were infected.

I doubt what I've posted will have any affect on you, but here it is regardless.[/QUOTE]

It really do affect me a little, I feel like some where, some how, some one still care about me and I really appreciate that you take your time to reply back! I just need to express my feeling but don't know who to talk to except here. You make me feel I still have hope and feel not to scare to take my 3 month test! And live another day. Thank you so much you guys!!





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