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Lung & Respiratory Disorders / COPD Message Board

Lung & Respiratory Disorders / COPD Board Index

Seems I can well relate to what everyone is saying. I was diagnosed October 2007 with moderate COPD. And I am still smoking. Don't get me wrong. I am not proud of it whatsoever. And as my pulmonary doc told me, I am only killing myself. I too lost a parent to idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. My sweet Momma passed almost a year ago on Aug. 20, 2007. Two months later I was diagnosed with COPD. About 6 mths. before Momma passed away, my only sibling a brother was diagnosed with COPD as well. Momma died 4 mths. after a lung transplant. There were just too many complications and she had fought the IPF so long. My brother and me took Momma's death very hard. We are still grieving. My brother did take Chantix. He stopped smoking for 3 mths. When Momma died, he started smoking again. I have tried the Chantix. I do believe it is a remarkable drug. But, I could not tolerate the Chantix. I am bipolar as well. And certain meds can make the bipolar worse. The Chantix made my bipolar way worse. I worry everyday about having COPD. I have researched it in great detail. I understand the disease. And above all else, I know my COPD has grown worse since diagnosis. Most people in my family get on me hard for smoking. I know it is because they love me. But, when they get on me, it only seems to stress me out more, which then makes me smoke more. I see great changes in my COPD this past year. The hot humid weather this summer has had me panting for breath. Last summer there was some problems with that, but not like this summer. This past winter I was sick quite often. Pneumonia, bronchitis several times and pleurisy. I have never had pneumonia or pleurisy in my life. And I know the cigerettes only complicated these illnesses. I am glad to see summer about over and I dread winter this year. I am having new symptoms during these months. I cannot feel my ring finger nor little finger. They are totally numb and the tingling at times is painful. There is a lot of weakness in that hand. I am very frustrated with that. I cannot even open a lid on a jar. There is no grip anymore. I posted on another forum. And they stated that this is due to my oxygen. I stay so fatigued anymore. I always had such energy. It is a fatigue that I have never experienced before. Like the life has been drained from me. And my memory has gotten somewhat bad. I always had a sharp mind. Not so true anymore. My left ankle is swelling. Possible indications that the lung disease maybe effecting my heart. And the breathing is not good, with coughing and lots of mucus. All this and I am still smoking. I am a total fool for doing this to myself. I just don't understand why I cannot quit. I am a strong person. I know if I continue like this, I am only putting myself in an early grave. And I got family I need to consider as well. I am just glad to be able to confess that I have COPD and am still smoking. I go back to doctor in September. I am getting to the point of oxygen. On the other forum all these symptoms are lack of oxygen related. And if I go on oxygen, I know then that I cannot smoke. It is dangerous to do so around oxygen. A part of me wants to quit and wish I never saw a cigerette. But, there is another part of me that just is not ready to stop. I sit with a cigerette in my hand and the whole time I am smoking it, I am suffering with SOB, coughing, etc. I make no sense even to myself. Thank you everyone for hearing me out. I am new to this forum. I am 51 and have been smoking for 35 years. I want to live as long as this disease will allow. But, if I continue on this path smoking, I know my years are very numbered. I have always been a very anxious person. Smoking always calmed me. But, it is not calming I don't guess, when I am worrying that my COPD is progressing. I just don't get it or me.

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