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Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian Message Board


Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian Board Index


First of all, I'm sorry you're having issues with trusting your doctor. From what I understand, he performed a LEEP and didn't get all of the dysplasia because he used a too small loop. I'm sure you're a better judge of this than I am, but I don't see that he has done anything wrong. Yes, it's terrible that you might have to have another procedure now, but such a miscalculation could have happened to any doctor (it's not like they have X-ray eyes).

Most doctors frown on other healing methods. Personally I trust homeopathic medicine more than any pharmaceuticals, but I don't completely resent scientific medicine either. It's always best to find a balance between the two. Choosing alternative methods is a good thing, because they more actively include you in process, they promote personal changes and awareness. But it can take some time for that to show an effect. You didn't get sick overnight, so you can't expect to get healthy overnight. But the positive changes you have made can at the very least keep you healthy for longer - and at the very best for good. Who knows how your results would have turned out had you not made all those changes? So please don't just throw everything out the window. At the very least, your child is going to learn from you how to take good care of him/herself.

As for whether or not you should let your doctor do another procedure, I think that since you don't trust him anymore, maybe you should find another doctor. Trusting your doctor is a very important part in the healing process.

My initial reaction on learning my diagnosis (hr hpv, AIS) was very bad. I beat myself up because I had had so many partners, I felt dirty and contagious. I too lost interest in sex. But I came to realize that this is our sexist society's upbringing talking. If a man has many women, his prowess is admired. If a woman has many men, she's a slut. Promiscuity itself is such a dirty word. Puhleeeze!!

I did a calculation. I had about 1-2 partners a year for 5 years - because I simply couldn't find someone compatible. I really don't think that's so much! And the irony is, I may have gotten this virus from my ex, who I lived together with for 2 years - he was much older and had had many encounters. Beating yourself up because of the virus is so pointless. It happens and having this virus doesn't mean you're "soiled" or "dirty" or anything else.

As for sex, I'm still in my 6 weeks wait so to speak, and I'm looking forward to it with mixed feelings. I'm scared that it will hurt, I'm afraid that I will become reinfected, I'm still dealing with some residual guilt over the whole matter. On the other hand, being able to enjoy my boyfriend again will be soooo good. Thank god he's being so positive about everything. I explained to him the risk of getting oral and prostate cancer, and he looked shocked for a moment, but then he just waved his hand and told me not to worry. I love him for that and I will make an effort to overcome my fears for both of us.

Besides, I want to have kids soon and no amount of virus is going to stop me!!! :) I will be able to deal with this much more easily once I've had my children - I won't be afraid of losing my fertility to the virus anymore.

...
please don't do this to yourself. You did not deserve this virus (if you even have it!!), no one does. Anyone who has had sex can get it - and let's face, we can't NOT have sex. It's bad enough that you have to deal with these procedures and the uncertainty, you don't need to add more stress and worry to it.

Remember, feeling self-loathing and pity and all the rest comes like second nature to most of us (blessed be our wonderful capitalistic society :rolleyes:). It's SO INCREDIBLY EASY to feel bad about yourself. It's so incredibly easy to believe you're not worth anything, because then you don't have to take responsibility for your life (and can let politicians, big companies and all the rest decide for you :rolleyes:). It's your CHOICE. Life is such an amazing thing, it offers us so much. All we have to do is stop whining for a minute and FEEL it, look at it. HERE. NOW. This is all that matters.

I'm sure you'll come out of this on the other side much stronger and more grounded in the things that really matter. Give yourself some time to grieve - without beating yourself up. Then pick yourself back up, reconnect with your hubby (there are other ways than sex to do that) and get on with life. Talk to your doctor about wanting a second child and what he'd recommend - don't give up on that dream.

And keep us posted on how things are with you.

((((((hugs))))))





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