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Panic Disorders Message Board

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I am 28 years old and have sufferd/cured anxiety+ panic attacks for 2 years and good news is that i am allmost entirely healthy. Before i will get the POINT (if you want a shortcut then read only what is written on the other side of the line in the middle of this topic) allow me to tell shortly about my experience with this condition to let you get a better picture of the whole, and see the positive side of the story

I had panic attacks with all the symptoms. The worst for me was the extreme insomania, all day around brain fog( not seeing clarely as if i were drunk), not being able to talk more than a few minutes( this caused my condition to get worse), not being able to concentrate ( couldnt read more than few sentences), fear of death and faint, hallucinasions severe derealization, thought that i will be disabled for the rest of my life, or will go crazy. I cant recall how many times i had to go to the emergency hospital, let my father call me an ambulance and that stuff we all know a little too well. before that thing hit me i could have not imagined that a sane person who seems to be phisically in perfect shape can get so messed UP.

My life was very good, i did what i loved to do and though i was a though guy who can deal with anything life will put infront of me had great friends and good relations with loving parents, studied at university but this thing chopped me down to the ground and all that was left was all day and night long suffering. And i let myself suffer since i thought i can beat this thing without medications...

My healing started with the combination of Seroxat ( paxil) and Remeron for night. My doses were 30mg for seroxat and 20mg for remeron. when the pills started working i could sleep again and made a quick recovery, got my life back, started doing everything that i did before found myself a great girlfriend and things got even better than they used to be. After 1,5 years on pills i got rid of remeron and started sleeping again without the pills ( even though one doctor told me there was a 50/50 chance that i will need to take those for the rest of my life). This gave my lots of confidence and for the first time i started to see myself living without medications and making a full recovery. Now i am 1 month away from starting my seroxat withdrawal, and i am 100 % positive i will succeed.

During the 2 years i have still had to deal with periods of daily anxiety and some rare panic attacks, but i just work through that stuff and i am not scared anymore, when a attack would hit me i'll just laugh and say give me that best you have got, and it has always given up. I would have never imagined ill say it, but i am grateful for this condition as it has made me another, better person that i and other as well like more. I work out at gym, read, will graduate this year and get my BA degree, am still in happy relationship so i have my life back!!! <--- This all is written that a recovery is possible!

NOW TO THE DARKER SIDE.( please note that i did want to post about it earlier but didnt want to scare people(too many negative posts everywhere), but now i really need a second opinion so just acknowledge that what i experienced and what is wiritten in the following chapters is rare and it is very unlikely you will ever experience it).
In that period of 2 years there have been 2 episodes that just don't give me peace, ill try here to describe it. It was rare when i got an attack during night ( when i was sleeping fine), but both of these happened at night ( and during both of them i was on remeron and seroxat) they were set about 9 month apart from each other.
FIRST: I had horror dreams and when i woke up i had the feeling that something bad is coming, it is strange but it felt like my body is waiting for something and in like 10 seconds it arrived, it's general characteristics felt different from a usual panic attack, in and instant it put me into a condition where 90%( litarally) of my life power and physical power was gone, i felt terribly sick all over, as if i dont have any life in me anymore, i was supported by bad nausea, diaherra, hands were shaking, extremely bad, negative and depressing mood and of course racing heart (110-120 beats per minute i think, normal for me is 55). I crawled on the floor( which was very hard to do) to reach my liquid diasapam ( that i have for emergancy situations), took it and went back to bad. After that i think fell asleep pretty quick.

SECOND episode: Again started with waking up from a nightmare that was something about my health being very bad i think( but dont remember exactly). The first thing i remember when i woke up was that i saw in the left the corner of my eye a green aura on my white ceiling, and something bright flash like zigzags (migre aura??:S. Something new to me) and immidiately i was like no, please no, and again felt with my body that something is coming and again it did with a same kind of bang and all the same symptoms as the previous time time. What i did different was that i took my liquid diasapam and walked with shaking all over to get some tap water, and then when i turned the valve without a warning or anything i woke up laying on the kitchen floor ( i did'nt feel i was going to faint just one moment turn the valve another moment wake up on the ground). when i woke up i was very upset and though this is the end, my body had a feeling that i had felt before , you feel like that when you are put to sleep through being choked or by hyperventilating - its like some ants are under your skin ( but not like the tingling sensation you get with anxiety). When ambulace arrived they did heart scan and all they found was minor arrythmia with ok blood pressure nad elavated heart beat, which was all supposed to be normal considering what i had just been through. They took me to hospital and did brain scan which was also normal. But i tell you what the experience was definitely anything but normal and felt very dangerous to say the least.

Please help me solve this mystery as this is one thing that still haunts( anything you say or share about your own experiences could help) me and i might even say that i am sometimes afraid of it happening again ( you know after all this that i have been through i could accept it and say if it is my time i will go and mybe it has to be like that, but mybe NOT maybe it can be understood and prevented:)

I thank you for reading this long post, i wish all the best for you and once i will get rid of seroxat as will i'll come and let you know that full recovery is possible, if it was for me it will be for you too and dont have doubt in my mind when i say that! :)

Take Care

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