Trying to react *properly*

Hi everyone. I suffer from BPD. I'm at school right now and I'm having a lil' bit of a rough time because my boyfriend just informed me that he might be going out with his friend tonight rather than watching a movie with me.

This really isn't out of line of him because this Saturday we're going to California on a cruise - but anyways.

So, I'm biting my tongue as not to blow up at him and spaz and accuse him of hating me and cheating on me. It's so stupid. I honestly think these things are true. I've exploded at him on several occasions for the same reason and actually BROKE UP with him twice. Of course that war rediculous - I regretted it like an hour later. I'm screwing up what we have. I'm going to have to go out tonight to to keep my mind from wandering.

Must keep quite. I tell myself now that I'll react fine - and I practice being calm, but as soon as he says he IS going I just know I'm going to flip. HELP.

I'm just writing to get something out on 'paper' rather than vocally.

In reality - I should be in math class doing vectors - but one's head can only take so much of that.

MUST KEEP QUIET
KAITIE