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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=MSNik;5458042]I think it sounds like you are jealous of the attention your mom gives your sister. Please be glad that you dont have her problems...you sound like you are doing great on your own.

Should you talk to your mother? Yes. But not about your sister or her problems. Call your mother, ask her how she is and ask her to meet you for lunch or dinner...you do not need to hurt your relationship with your mother because you dont like your mother's bad choices (your opinion, not her's obviously).

Your mom is an adult and old enough to decide if she wants to baby sit your sister's kids. She didnt have to say yes- and she can move back at any time OR she can get sick of paying part of the rent, taking care of her kids and move elsewhere. This is not your decision to make. BUT you only have one mom. Dont let her decisions to take on your sister's problems affect your relationship with her. Im sure you have plenty of other things in your life to talk to her about.

My family has the same issues with holidays. Years ago I decided it was for the best. Now, rather than fight with people and get all sorts of angry and seeing the drama; my family and I celebrate alone and are grateful to have each other. If anyone wants to stop by and see us, the door is always open - but we refuse to partake in everyone else's drama. We see our families one on one during the year and save the holidays for just the 5 of us! Its so much easier in the long run.

Be grateful for what you have because it sounds like you have it together. Stop worrying about everyone else's drama. You cant win, so dont let yourself get upset over it.

Someday your sister will mature and figure it out. It will be up to you to decide if you want to be there for her or not. I have a sister I only see at funerals. We never talk...but her kids are now in their 30s and we have a great relationship. Much easier to be a fun aunt than a crazy sister!

Good luck...and remember to always put yourself first. It will save your sanity.[/QUOTE]


Thanks for your thoughtful response. It seems that you do have some similar problems. I wish I could say I'm glad to hear others have these troubles, but they aren't fun to have!

I wouldn't say that I'm jealous of my sister. I would say that I think my mother treats me with extreme disrespect, because I'm her daughter too. And I get tired of it. Just because I'm not a big mess like my sister, doesn't mean I don't have problems. Whenever I have needed help with something to do with my kids, my mom turns me down.

You mentioned I should meet my mom for lunch. That's a -no-can-do, because she has to babysit. [COLOR="Teal"]Everytime she calls me to visit she makes sure to mention she can only come when my sister doesn't need her for anything. [/COLOR]This disrespect gets old.

Holidays would be fine if we all celebrated them by ourselves, but that's not what's happening in my family. My mom helps my sister call and badger my brother to go to my sister's house (with his kids) for all holidays. So they are all together, and my kids are left out, every time. There is no effort to stop this on my mom's part.

The thought that she's doing everything for my sisters kids, and won't even help me with anything, her own daughter makes me ill. (it's the same for my brother too, she does anything he asks) It's not jealousy. Believe me. How could I be jealous of my sister's bad choices?

I cannot go to holiday parties. My sister screams and calls me names, and my mom says nothing to her for it. My brother says he gives in because she's soooo upset if he doesn't go. Some holidays my brother stops at my house first, but my mom makes sure not to show for my holiday bash, and calls to see when he's leaving my house to go to my sister's house.

I'm not sure my sister's problems at almost age 40, gives my mom the right to act this way.

I just keep thinking my own happiness is the best revenge though.:) Thanks for the advice.





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