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I'm currently dealing with cheating first hand. Let me share my situation with you.

I've been cheated on after we were together for nearly a year and a half. He came clean to me about it, I never caught him. I was so in love with this him (i thought he was "the one") and never expected anything like this from him. I decided that I was so hurt and upset, then to loose him along with it would make it 10 times worse. I chose to stick with him. That was his "second chance" time.

There was alot of things all going on at once when this happened, and I think that had a big part of why I choose to stay with him. My mother was diognosed with cancer and at the time didn't know how serious it was (luckily it was in early stages), my job was becoming pure hell (so busy in the summer, and the boss becomes an a$$), my grandmother got sick, etc. Alot of things on my mind to begin with then to add loosing him on top of it was more than I could handle. He was the one who I turned to when the world became too much. Also I am very close with his family so it would not be just him I would be loosing, but them as well.

Honestly, it was and still is the hardest decision I have EVER made. It has been about 7 months since it happened, and we are still struggling to stay together. If I had it to do all over again, no matter how much I loved him at the time, I would not go through this again.

I trusted him to no end. I'll never get that back. 7 months later I am over the point that I am not suspisous all of the time. I had to let that go for me, not for him. It was starting to drive me crazy. Very exhausting. At the beginning I was dwelling on it so much that I know it was unhealthy. I had so much hatred for her. I"m over that now. She is not worth my energy to hate her. I realized that I can't let this get the best of me because it is only hurting me more.

Today I trust him to some degree. I don't suspect or accuse him of doing things. I'm not the jealous or controlling type. But what is still lingering with me is the "what if's". What if he does this to me in a few years after we have kids or something. What if he does this to me when I am like 50 years old. What if, what if, what if. THe future with him still makes me very nervous.

I know in my situation it seems like it has taken the joy out of the relationship. We still can have fun together and get along great, but something has also died in the relationship. That is my overwhelming passion I used to have for him. I still love him very very much, but it will never be there same. There is no more excitment when he calls or when we see each other after he has been away. It's like there is a gap between us, that I have put there in order to protect myself from him hurting me like that again. I'm trying very hard to overcome that.

Also in my situation jealousy has arising. Not jealousy from me, but from him. He now has become a cheater, and now looks at our relationship through a cheaters eyes. He is very paranoid that I am going to get "revenge" on him. I will want to get him back, or will leave him for someone better. He's extremely nervous when I go with my friends for an evening, and feels the need to ask me 100 questions the next day. "what did you do", "where did you go", "who was there", "were you drinking", "what did you talk about", etc etc. He wants to be with me 24-7, and has become VERY VERY clingy when we are together. Nothing annoys me more than clingyness. Not being able to move or sit somewhere without him stuck to me. I like cuddling, and being close, but this is severe.

And of course that action from him causes an argument. I did not cheat, why am I being treated like I did? I don't treat him like that, even though I probably have the right to. I never sit home and worry what he is doing while I am not there. I never grill him the next day. Why am I being smothered? I don't do that to him.

So basically, working through cheating is alot harder than one may think in the beginning. Like i've said above, i'm only 7 months into it after the cheating. The emotional toll the victim of cheating feels is awful. It's the biggest kick in the teeth that him as my significant other could have given me. There are only 3 main things that he as a b/f is not suppose to do to me. 1. cheat 2. abuse and 3. lie. Well he did 2 out of 3. He did come clean about if afterwards but lying still took place in there. It takes the very confident cheery person (that i would have described myself as) and turned me into a sad, lonely, hurt, angry person. Eventually I got out of that state...for me. It's hard to think that if you can be so into one person, and trust them with your whole world, and let that guard down and let them completely into your heart, then he betray you like that. It's hard to think how they could have loved you. Like I said before, it made something in the relationship die.

I'm not sure if you are talking about you cheating on her, or her cheating on you. But if it is something you are thinking of doing, save her the heartbreak and emotional scarring and stay away from it, or if you cannot controll yourself, end things with her before something like that happens. If it is you that has been cheated, my advise is think long and hard about the long lasting effects on yourself and the relationship before you decide to continue on with her.


Calista





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