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hey all, i am new to this an im in need of some desperate advice,preferably males sorry this is long...

i am totally stressing out right now i feel i have messed up my reputation with my boyfriend, all through our relationship i have tried to be cool, easy going and relaxed about the delicate issues of 'porn' and 'other women' but lately i feel myself becoming more and more insecure and i hate myself to be completely honest.

what it is, is that i am dead touchy about other women, i am very attractive, but i dont think i am and need constant reasurrance, and i know some couples share their taste in the oposite sex with their partners as a casual thing, i just can't do that, it makes me hurt to know my partner WILL and DOES fancy other women, and as much as i accept this to be a fact of mother nature, as long as i don't know what famous girl he fancies i'm not bothered because as the saying goes ''what i don't know will not hurt me''...now i don't mean other women i general, he would never cheat on me and i'm not saying he keeps everything from me (i hope to god he doesnt think this when i said ''id rather not know'') i'm just saying spare my feelings and don't tell me who you find sexy, becuase she aint ME and the attention isn't on ME...now thats my explanation on the whole insecurity, now heres the story,

i found a picture stuck up in his room of this actress who is very gorgeous, and through the 2 1/2 years i have been with him i have never known him to flaunt something in this matter, i took it as an in your face thing, like 'look i find this other woman acttractive' and as much as it didn't come as a shock to me in the sense that all men are like this of course, but it came as a shock because i found out who he fancies and it hurt me, made me feel insecure, and he hasnt been like this for all this time and suddenly my worst fear comes out, so when i confronted him, he expected me to be fine about it by saying 'you not worked out why iv got that picture up yet?' of course i should be laughing it off and saying 'is she better looking than me?' that old thing, but i just told him straight that it hurt me, but he just said 'whatever' and got pissed off.

Of course this is his every right to be annoyed, but personally he should respect my feelings and keep it to himself, and i sympathise the fact he felt he could have this picture up and me be fine about it like some girls would, but im different and im the type of girl that wants to feel centre of attention, he said he felt like he cant have any thoughts to himself, that i am making a big deal out of nothing and 'if this is all i get upset about we have serious problems as a couple' he evn brought up an old grudge of when i got upset over him buying a mens mag full of naked women,and i really do respect what he is saying but i simple told him i would rather not know about it and after much thought i admitted it was pathetic and i'm over it...i mean am i that wrong in not wanting to know? i'm in no way stopping him from fantasising about other women just as long as i don't hear about it cos it hurts, you know where i'm coming from guys?

my boyfriend made up with me after sulking for half an hour,with me feeling annoyed with myself and crying to myself feeling like i've screwed up, i apologised and told him i loved him, he said it's ok and i have nothing to worry about that its not likes hes galavanting about with other women, but that isnt where im coming from and i said i aint worrying, i just would rather not know, and i feel awful because hes taken the picture down and everything, he means so much to me, but why should my sensitive feelings be shunned and piss him off so much? im not depriving him from living his own life!

As i couldnt explain this to him i feel i can to you lot, and maybe advice could be easier for you to give if you see both sides of the story, as you can see im insecure and worried sick of losing him, as you don't know him you can't very well say what he is thinking and i know i should stop being insecure,im very well aware of all this, just what the hell can i do to better myself? have i screwed up? or do you think i'm just childish,i dont know men how would you feel understanding my point of view now?
I am not a guy but I can ring in on this one...

Your guy is normal. I will not say that you are overreacting because I don't know you. I would advise taking a long hard look and see what the real problem is. Unless you are going to remove his eyes, how are you going to get him to stop looking at other women.

He is with you for over 2 years, so it is obvious that he finds you attractive. Men are visual creatures, they don't stick with someone that they cannot look at.

It is selfish to expect him to hide at part of himself so that you can feel comfortable. Perhaps you need some counseling to find out why you are so insecure. I mean what is the probability that he would cheat with the woman in the picture? I am assuming that this was like a movie star or something and not the next door neighbor, right?

Look at it from the big picture standard, in over 2 years, you found one picture of a woman that he cannot and has not been with. No other problems. Does he cheat on you? Disrespect you?

What is really going on because if this causes a 'major rift' in your relationship, is it worth it to end the relationship? You will never find a man who doesn't look and like looking at attractive women.

Please think about the counseling because you will never be happy with someone who has to hide things from you. And your guy won't be happy either.





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