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[QUOTE=simplyD;4305647]I just want to update everyone on my progress, and I am proud to say... I finally packed my bags and left him.. and I want to thank those of you who have helped me through much of this... letting me know that I am not alone.

I took my name off the lease, but let him keep the furniture (to sell) to help him pay the last month's rent. I didn't have to, but I didn't want to leave him hanging... even after all he's done. Needless to say, he threw a tantrum saying that I'm abandoning him and that I never do anything to help him... which is just insane. He was so hostile and and juvenile that I was glad to be rid of him.

I am home now.. with my family.. who has always been so loving and supportive. It makes me wonder why it took me so long to leave. But when I think about it, I know that it was all part of his plan. He isolated me from my family and friends.. anyone who cared about me.. and put all kinds of terrible thoughts into my head... making me feel that I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, or just plain worthy of his "love"... even though he was the one lying.. and cheating. In fact, he was so manipulative that I began to believe it.

Relationships like these.. are toxic, and once you get sucked in, it's incredibly hard to leave... especially if you're like me... the kind of person that wants to nurture and help. Don't be fooled by "the good times," because we all know that the "bad times" are just... not worth it... not healthy.

From this relationship, I learned that I need to pay attention to red flags at the beginning of relationships... and not let them make excuses for bad behavior. Basically, I learned that I need to respect myself enough to not let anyone treat me badly. All I can do now is try not to be bitter, and move forward with my life. I know I deserve better. I've known for a long time. I've only been away from him for ONE day... and I can already feel my real self emerging. I can already feel myself healing.. and I can tell you, I am a much better person without him.. a happier person.

For everyone out there that's going through a hard time being with a person with BPD, I know that you keep waiting for this person to change.... and this is because you are a wonderful and compassionate person.. that cares... a little too much at times. When we care about or love someone, we want to believe the best in them. We want to believe that they can be the person we need them to be, but there is a difference between loving the idea of a person... and really loving them for who they are.

Please don't throw your life away.. waiting.. because it is very unlikely that they will wake up one morning and see the light. Take care of yourselves first. Leaving might be one of the hardest things you have to do, but do it... and tell someone that loves and cares about you.. what you're going through. Tell them that you need their help.. and if you live with the person with BPD... and are afraid of that person getting violent, call the police department and ask for an officer to do a "civil stand by"... basically, if you are afraid that it can get violent, an officer will come in and make sure that you are okay while you gather your things. Whatever it takes. The sooner the better. Good luck to you all.

**Just to be clear, I am not saying that all people with BPD are hopeless. I understand that many people with this disorder struggle with themselves incredibly.. and a lot of of the hurt they inflict on others are unintentional. However, I am just sharing my experience... and in my experience, even if the pain they cause is unintentional... it is no less painful.[/QUOTE]

I'm so happy for you. You should be very proud.:D


I wasted 5 years of my life walking on eggshells around my husband just because he could be nice 75% of the time. Our split is so confusing for some people because he seemed so sweet and so charming to them. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde indeed. I now have to listen to my mother tell me that fighting is normal in a marriage and it does not need to end things.

People don't realize these individuals are not capable of normal fighting with rationality and resolution. It's sick, toxic, make you feel insane fighting.

He's been to therapy years ago, but all they did was work on his anger management. They never diagnosed a real disease. It makes me want to pull my hair out when therapists or any doctors just treat the symptoms instead of looking for an underlying issue :mad:

It's VERY important to let someone know the other side of your loved one. I never really told anyone what he could be like because I was so ashamed, confused, and almost in disbelief that he could get SO angry and irrational about seemingly unimportant things.

Nobody believes you when you tell the truth! So instead of supporting you when you end the relationship they will tell you that fighting is normal! Learn better communication! Relationships take work!

His family knew the real him. They were the only ones besides me. He only hurt the ones closest to him.


I need to promote this this this a thousand times this quote!--


[I]Relationships like these.. are toxic, and once you get sucked in, it's incredibly hard to leave... especially if you're like me... the kind of person that wants to nurture and help. Don't be fooled by "the good times," because we all know that the "bad times" are just... not worth it... not healthy. [/I]
[QUOTE=loralei;4305971]I'm so happy for you. You should be very proud.:D


I wasted 5 years of my life walking on eggshells around my husband just because he could be nice 75% of the time. Our split is so confusing for some people because he seemed so sweet and so charming to them. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde indeed. I now have to listen to my mother tell me that fighting is normal in a marriage and it does not need to end things.

People don't realize these individuals are not capable of normal fighting with rationality and resolution. It's sick, toxic, make you feel insane fighting.

He's been to therapy years ago, but all they did was work on his anger management. They never diagnosed a real disease. It makes me want to pull my hair out when therapists or any doctors just treat the symptoms instead of looking for an underlying issue :mad:

It's VERY important to let someone know the other side of your loved one. I never really told anyone what he could be like because I was so ashamed, confused, and almost in disbelief that he could get SO angry and irrational about seemingly unimportant things.

Nobody believes you when you tell the truth! So instead of supporting you when you end the relationship they will tell you that fighting is normal! Learn better communication! Relationships take work!

His family knew the real him. They were the only ones besides me. He only hurt the ones closest to him.


I need to promote this this this a thousand times this quote!--


[I]Relationships like these.. are toxic, and once you get sucked in, it's incredibly hard to leave... especially if you're like me... the kind of person that wants to nurture and help. Don't be fooled by "the good times," because we all know that the "bad times" are just... not worth it... not healthy. [/I][/QUOTE]

I know exactly what you mean. I found myself lying about how great he is... just because I was so ashamed of what people would think of me if they knew the truth... that he treated me horribly. I know it must be hard for others to understand, but in all honesty- you don't owe them an explanation. You know that what you did was right, and I am sure that as time goes on, people will see that you are healthier and happier without him. That should be reason enough for the people that really care about you and your well being to support your decision. Congratulations on starting your new life!





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