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Relationship Health Message Board


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So my boyfriend and I have been dating 9 months. A bit of background –I was in a previous relationship for 10 + years and my ex cheated on me, and had about a year to myself before dating. He was in a relationship for 5 years and his ex left him and he had 6 months by himself. We both have done counseling after our separations.
I have one child and he has two children – all of them are below 5 years and not in school. I have shared custody with my ex and he only gets to see his children every two weeks on the weekends and some times in the afternoons during the weekdays.

Anyway, In the first two months of our relationship – we only got to see each other twice a week and we would text through out the day and talk on the phone every night for hours. Then he met my child and we were spending every night together except when he had his children every two weeks.

Ive met his family a few times and have met and done things with his children and about 2 months ago we had our first sleep over with the kids together.

Probably 4 months into our relationship, we stopped seeing each other every night due to distance (we live about 45 mins – 1 hour apart). Then about 2 months ago, I noticed he started to pull away a little bit and I asked if he needed space. He said he didn’t, but felt it was important we also have individual time which I agreed. At that same time, he also became extremely busy with his work as he is in charge of his companies branch and he works 14 + hours.

Then about a month ago, I still noticed he was distant and withdrawn and straight out said I know hes been busy with work and stressed with that and with trying to get more custody of the kids, but felt he has pulled away from the relationship and felt he didn’t want to be with me any more and if that was the case, to just tell me now and we could go our separate ways. He said he did want to be with me but felt we were really full on in the beginning of our relationship and felt while he’s going through stressful period, he just wants to take a step back. I said I was fine with this but he needed to communicate with me so I knew where I stood. We both said we enjoy our time together and said love you and gave each other kisses and hugs.

Then a few days had passed and I asked how often he wanted to catch up so we were clear and had same expectations. He aid 1 – 2 times a week. I said I was thinking more like 3 times. I acknowledged he wanted to take things slower because his previous relationship they rushed in cuz she fell pregnant early into their relationship, but also explained I was used to being with someone 7 days a week due to my prior relationship. He said he wanted to focus on his kids and try to get more custody of them. We compromised to 2 times a week.

Its been a month and we still catch up 1 – 2 times a week and I seem to initiate the catch ups, but he always agrees and doesn’t turn it down or make excuses. He also will initiate a text to me most days to see how my day was and we still chat on the phone every few days. He also asked me recently if I wanted to go overseas with him in December and we have booked that. When we are together, things are great. We are both still very affectionate, sex is great, still tell each other we love one another, we go out to dinner, do things together, laugh and have fun and we have never had an argument.

Im just really confused because I feel we have gone backwards and at 9 months thought we would be moving forward. I know we both have complicated situations and his more so than mine and he works 14 + hour days so he’s tired all the time and the distance to each others houses is ****. I am planning to move closer to him at the end of the year as ive got a new job in the area he lives and hope that helps. I don’t think he’s cheating because hes never given me any reason to doubt or break my trust and we have already had discussions about being exclusive to each other.

Any ideas?? Id love to hear from the guys on this one.





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