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Sexual Health - General Message Board


Sexual Health - General Board Index


Hi everyone,

Please be patient with this post, as it is going to take some explaining!

Lately I have been concerned with my husband's sexual health, and I think he may possibly have erectile dysfunction. I'm trying to figure out if it's a psychological problem or physiological.

A little on our background: we are both 25, college sweethearts that have been together for five and a half years and we just got married a few months ago. He is in the military and is going through a training program right now and I'm currently not working. Our sex life has always been good, despite a few years ago having some issues with pornography (excessiveness on his part, which was causing insecurity on my part). But we've worked through that pretty well; we just sort of leave it alone now. He said that as long as he wasn't looking at it more times in a week than we were actually having sex in a week then it wasn't a problem, and so that was our mutual agreement. (I know some of you will think, oh how can we do that? It's taking away his freedom, he should look at porn whenever he wants...but hey, it's our relationship. And he was the one who suggested that.) I believe that he has kept up on his word although I don't ask him about it frequently. I don't really see a need to.

Since getting married our sex life has been as good as ever and we are very happy (I wish it could stay like this forever! haha). We have sex usually 2-4 times a week and we both initiate it pretty evenly. Lately though he has been having a hard time staying erect. I would say that 3 or 4 times in the past two weeks we have started having sex and then he has gone soft. The first time was about two weeks ago, and he said he thought that it was because I was too wet so he was slipping around too much (is that a thing?) so we stopped but I gave him a BJ later that night and all was good. His sex drive has been normal, no dip in libido as far as I can tell. Up until yesterday he had no concern over it and said he didn't think anything was wrong.

Yesterday he even came home during his lunch break to have sex with me. So we started, then again, he started going soft. Right now I am taking a break from my birth control (more on that in a min) and so we were using a condom and he said he couldn't feel anything through the condom so we took it off. He said that I felt good but it almost felt like his penis was starting to go numb. So we stopped and just laid there and I asked if he has been masturbating a lot and maybe over-stimulation is causing this problem and his response was that he hasn't masturbated lately at all. Like the insecure woman that I sometimes am, I worried that it had something to do with me not feeling good to him anymore or something. He reassured me that it has nothing to do with me, he finds me very attractive and is turned on by me and he felt great inside me. He said he thinks maybe it is because he needs to start exercising again. (He is NOT fat; weighs under 150 and is all muscle, thanks to good genes.) He ran a few times a week in college but since graduating hasn't really worked out. So yesterday he finally admitted that he is concerned about this too but he thinks it is just related to his lack of exercise and the fact that he is not as young as he used to be.

After doing some research yesterday I thought maybe it was just stress-related and so I sort of paid attention this morning to see if he had his usual morning erection, and no, it was nowhere to be seen. So that makes me think it is something physiological and he may need to go to a doctor or urologist to be looked at. But I think we will wait a few more weeks and see how things go, he can start exercising again and see if that helps. If things don't improve I will probably have a talk with him about how this is negatively affecting our relationship and I'm sure he would be willing to see a doc for it.

Here is the list of potential suspects causing this to happen:

It could be over-stimulation or too much masturbation, but since he told me that wasn't happening I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. At that same time, if that was the actual issue then I don't think he would admit it to me out of embarrassment.
OR it could be the fact that he hasn't been masturbating and hasn't been able to orgasm during sex...is it possible that if he hasn't orgasmed for awhile then this could be what's making him have a hard time getting erect?

It could be stress because he does have a very important test tomorrow that he has been feeling unprepared for, but he hasn't let his stress affect his mood toward me. As I said, he even initiated the sex yesterday on his lunch break. Also if it was related to the test, it doesn't make sense as to why it started two weeks ago when he just found out about the test this week.

It could be lack of exercise and general health as he thinks. I try to feed him pretty well, haha, but he still likes to scarf down a sleeve of Oreos in a sitting... He also has back problems and goes to a chiropractor on a regular basis but for the past few weeks he's been too busy to schedule any chiropractic appts...so maybe that is affecting it, though I doubt it.

Or it could be something psychological...like performance anxiety. But I don't really see that because we've been together for over five years and nothing has changed in our relationship. In fact it's improved since we've been married.
BUT I am having breast implant surgery in 10 days. (Hence why I'm off BC right now.) We've discussed it for months and I finally decided to do it and he fully supports me. I asked him a few weeks ago if this could possibly create tension in our relationship, because I am getting to make my boobs bigger to ease an insecurity of mine, but he isn't able to make his penis bigger. He said no, there is no jealousy on his part. But maybe subconsciously this is bothering him? Could he possibly be worried about me having heightened sexuality after my surgery and the fact that I could gain more attention in that regard from other men?
I don't know. It could be a combination of multiple things.

So is this normal for a 25 year old male in decent health? I know all men have bouts of ED during their lifetime related to different things, so maybe I am just jumping the gun with this and need to calm down and wait to see what happens. If it keeps up should I press him more about how much he is actually masturbating, or just let that be? If the problem continues how should I go about suggesting that he sees a doctor?





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