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Sexually Transmitted Diseases Message Board

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Thank you very much for your responses. It might sound strange, but I appreciate this small communication with others about this, as I'm not yet ready to share with anyone in my own world.

My parents called me today, as they were worried about me. I had told them that my doctor wanted to see me, and I was worried about why, and now I have to lie to them and tell them everything is fine, when it's so far from fine.

I just want to yell and scream and throw things. I want to turn back time and for my husband not to have thrown away everything we built for the sake of this one experience.

My heart is shattered into a million pieces, and I can't even imagine the chore it's going to be to pick them all up.

rosequartz, you say I should divorce him, and you're probably right. I asked him last night what he would do if the situation was reversed, and it was me that brought this into our world, and he admitted that he probably wouldn't be able to forgive me.

I don't know why, but I just can't yet face the thought of throwing away a five year relationship, and a new marriage, and our entire future together over this one mistake. I know that my husband is an amazing person who has always treated me with the utmost respect, and for him to do this is so out of character.

I'm so confused.

Bubba, I appreciate your comments so much. Infertility is the thing I am most afraid of, especially as we are unable to take the treatment right away, and are forced to wait another 2 or so weeks until my next period, just in case.

I can feel the disease eating away at my cervix, and I want it out. Maybe it's psychological, but all of the sudden, I feel pain in my lower abdomen, and I'm sure it's the disease. It sickens me.

As soon as the treatment is done, I plan to ask to have my fertility checked, to see whether or not any damage has been done.

My husband asked me to please forgive him.

I've responded that I may be able to forgive him for the act, but I will never be able to forgive him if he's taken away my future.

You have every right to feel angry and upset, it's a distressing thing to suddenly just get smacked in the face with! If you don't want to tell other people close to you about it, that's fine, it's up to you. It's a personal issue and you don't have to share your private concerns with anybody else if you don't want to. I know it's not pleasant to feel like you have to lie to people, especially family. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first, and in a situation like this; when it's something very personal, I don't think anybody could hold it against you.

I know it must be very painful for you at the moment, and I think the fact that you're so emotionally upset by the actual betrayal is why you're emphasising all these horrible feelings about the infection. The infection is, after all, the result of him cheating. It makes sense that you would demonize it so much. The truth is, you shouldn't feel dirty or disgusted at all. It's a virus like any other, we don't feel dirty when we get the flu, so why should this be any different? That aside, it's actually not your fault AT ALL that you contracted it in the first place. You did NOTHING wrong, and it's not your mistake.

I know it's tedious and upsetting having to wait at all, but in the grand scheme of things, 2 weeks is nothing. If nothing more it will allow you some time to calm down and accept what's happened, and to clear your head regarding the relationship with your husband. After all, this is a fresh wound and it will take time for you to come to terms with it.

It's understandable that you wouldn't want to throw away a long term relationship like that. I'm married too and I know how much hard graft goes into building one. I'm sure your husband feels awful about what's happened to you and what he did, and I'm sure he'll feel guilty about it for a long time. I doubt anybody could beat him up about it anymore than he already is. I'm not condoning what he did, it's terrible, but when it comes down to it we are all just human, and we all make mistakes. I'm not saying that you should forgive him, it's not my place at all. I'm simply saying that I could understand either way. If you left him, that's fair enough, and if you decide to give him another shot, that's fine too. After all, you've built a life together, nobody would want to just give that up.

It'll never be okay that he cheated on you, but with time, it will get easier for you.

Make sure that when you've got a clearer mind, you do plenty of research on the fertility issue, because as I said there are still plenty of ways to approach it. We've made some amazing medical advancements, especially within fertility, so try not to write the dream off completely just yet!

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