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Boy did I ever lose all dignity today. Went to the doctors office to renew my BC prescrip (which I'd been on for a trial period of two months) and the doc says "I don't think birth control is going to work for you, your acne is too bad."

And I just LOST it! I mean, even taking BC was a big step for me, and here I was thinking, okay, doesn't look like it's doing much, getting new cysts, but hey, eventually it'll make me clear...blah blah blah.

I think I was just in some sort of denial about how bad my acne really is. And so the doctor says really the only thing we can do is just wait it out, or put you on Accutane. And I've been 'waiting it out' for six years, so...Accutane it is. But I'd never considered Accutane an option, I always told myself my acne wasn't bad enough, etc, etc, so when he finally told me yes, you do have severe cystic acne I just lost it, and started crying (I know, how vain can you get) silently while we tried to carry on this conversation about treatments while trying desperatly to ignore the fact that I'm crying over ACNE of all things, in his office. And he goes on, trying to distract me, talking about his daughter, asking about school, giving me instructions on the accutane and I just wanna bolt, because good lord how pathetic do I look.

And it just opened the floor gate and back at home all I could talk about is how I feel so ugly and hideous and all I do is conpare my face to other people and how it seems like I'm the last person on the earth who looks like this and how back in the days when minocycline worked for me, when I had clear skin for a couple months and everyone would tell me how great I looked...then that was over and now I KNOW I'll never have that again EVER and on and on...

*sigh* Pardon my rant. Long story short I got in the car and BAWLED all the way home. Jeeze, I knew I was bad, and yeah, pretty hideous, but I didn't think it would warrant what I consider to be such drastic treatment. Argh. Sorry, I'm ranting more, just need to get it out. Anyway. Off BC, on Accutane, don't know what to expect.

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