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my acne has definitely changed my life a lot, and in more ways than one. similar to everyone else, i have lost almost all my confidence and my self esteem has gone way down. this is probably the worst time of my life, at least that i can remember. i hope that one day this will pass and i wont have to think about it anymore, just like other bad memories which i have either forgetten about or need something else to trigger the bad thoughts.

i have changed my entire lifestyle. my diet is now geared towards helping my acne, mostly by eating a lot less junk and fast food, and eating less carbs. i used to eat a lot of rice, but now, i just try to eat meat and vegetables. although im not sure how much my diet is helping, it just went from unhealthy to neutral, and not necessarily healthy eating (still eat ranch and crutons with my salads, eggs which have a lot of cholesterol, spam which isnt the healthiest meat, and some fried food with sugary sauces). and i cutdown to mostly water and iced tea, no more soda, but i do drink alcohol on occasion, which i usually regret after i see my face the next day, not really from a new breakout, but just because i know its not productive to helping my face clear up.

in addition, i force myself to do many other things that i hope will clear up my face but hasnt yet. been exercising more and working out 3-4 times per week, and going to the steam room for at least 10 minutes every time, for 1 month now. wash my face twice daily with capsiderm, for 2 weeks now. do microdermabrasion with epidermx, for 1 week now. using sunscreen, for 1 week now. been using retin almost everynight for about 2 months. have been using clindamycin as a moisturizer for a couple years now. started the digestive cleanse regimen 3 weeks ago, and started taking vitamin e pills 2 weeks ago. im also thinking about starting to drink lemon water and using green tea on my face.

on some days, i wake up and feel good about myself and others, i feel like horrible. i try not go out in the day time because under natural light, my skin looks its worst. ive been trying to stay at home more of the time, and hide myself from the public, friends and family because i dont want them to see my bad skin, which i have never done before. i come home and look in the mirror to see how bad the display of my acne was for the day. and when i feel horrible, i check this website to try to find a new technique to clear my skin and add it to my already complex regimen. i constantly look in the mirror to see how bad my skin is and i try to reason with myself that its getting better, but honestly, i know that its just temporary, under different lighting my feelings will change instantly.

as a person, i have also become more understanding and sensitive to other people. i hate it when i see someone who i havent seen in a while and they comment on how bad my face got. i just think in my head that they are really insensitive and i just want to say "hey, if someone came by and they had a missing arm or leg, would you point that out to them too?" i have become a deeper person and like to engage in deeper conversations where i really get to know a person. i try to find people that i can relate my skin problem with but no one is interested or i dont think im close with them enough to talk to them about it. when i see people with acne, i want to talk to them about it because i know what they are going through, but im not sure if its as big of a deal to them as it is for me.

ive also become a lot more self-consious about myself. i have really bad acne on the sides of my face so i try to talk to people facing forward but i do notice them looking around my face which them causes me to just look down and end the conversation as quickly as possible. i always look in reflections to see the current condition of my acne, and i look at my side profile to see how bad it is. i try to assess which side is worse so then i try to avoid people from seeing me from that side.

pretty much, acne has changed/ruined my life. but i think when it clears, and hopefully it will, i will be a better person for it. ill be healthier from my change in diet, ill know a lot about skin care and maintain good helathy skin for the rest of my life, and ill have sort of a life changing experience under my belt that i can say i accomplished and have moved on from. having acne is a roller coaster, some days feeling good and other days being at my worst. i cant wait until it levels out and i get my confidence back, and probably with a few more confidence points that before i broke out. as for now, ill use this down time to improve myself by reading, exercising, and being more independent. im not ready to go back into the world yet.

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