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Jun 13, 2003
Feeling any better today? I'm still down in the dumps. I can see more and more coming out . Even blackheads have formed little bumps all along my nose . It feels rough because there are so many. I am spot treating with the azeleic acid today. What if this doesn't work?? I go to the derm on Tuesday and I'm so undecided if this is really working for me or not. I know its bringing things out.....but how do I know some of it isn't just new breakouts?? I know that sounds dumb.
I even went back through a search on this board and tried to follow some people's progress with this stuff. I know everyone says there is an initial breakout and it can be pretty bad. No one can say how long this will last. My patience has gotten the better of me today and I feel really lost in all of this. I feel like I'm losing the battle here. What if I'm wrong and for some reason its not helping me? But like I said, last night I could see and feel the blackhead "tiny" bump things emerging and there are so many that it actually feels really rough and scaly. Some of the old larger ones are coming to a head and some are just forming a dry scab or something. I just hope that doesn't mean they are still in there a month from now. Is this stuff supposed to bring everything to a head or do both (dry some out and bring some to a head)?? Even when some of them come to a head..they sometimes have only oil in them. Can that be possible? I thought everything living under ther would have to be a hard plug??? Oh how I hate this nonsense!! I may try the products you suggested, but can't seem to think right now. I am in that "I hate my face" mode today. Woke up and it hit me . I look awful really.
Well, on to you. How are you?? Did you sleep better? I noticed you were on the boards late last night. Maybe you will hear back from the derm today about the azeleic acid. Just stand your ground. Its obvious that you don't feel the tazorac is helping right?? These derms must think we have no feelings, thoughts or opinions of our own. I research everything he gives me!! Mine is probably out enjoying his weekend. He's certainly not thinking what a wreck I'm in. I can tell you one thing, on Tuesday, I will DEMAND he take his time and really LOOK at me and answer all of my questions. for $65 and hour and the past 15 years of my time and money, I'm through letting him call the shots!! As you can see, I'm in an irritated mood. LOL But I don't want him to look at me from 3 feet away and say "lets wait and see how this does for you. How does 4 weeks sound? " My family reunion is in 5 weeks now, and I want so much to feel better about all of this. I am looking so forward to it and I know how vain it sounds, and I know its family, but I can't stand how I look! I don't have time to mess with this! I wish I would have started the azeleic acid a longer time ago. I would say I've used it religously all over my face for 2 weeks even though I've been using it in some areas for 3 weeks. The blackheads that are coming out are in the same areas I've been treating with finacea for the past 3 weeks or so and they are just starting to come out???? Honestly I don't even remember really seeing them there?? I'm sorry I just can't seem to get past this today. Hows things with your Mom and Dad? Any better today?? Sometimes it just takes a bit for them to walk away from the situation and re group . I know it was extremely hard on my husband when I got sick. He was almost bitter for awhile, of course it didn't help that a few of the dr.s were telling me I was crazy! ...but really, it was hard on the both of us. But he came around and became more supportive and then they diagnosed me and things were better because the uncertainty was gone. If someone could just tell me when this would be gone, I would find it easier to cope. I know that's impossible, but again patience is NOT my strong suit!!

Dsheldon, Thank you for the suggestions about the skinoren as a different application. I will talk to him about that. Does the a. acid even the skin out.?? Not only it tone but in texture as well? My skin seems wrinkly or bumpy or something, I'm assuming from all the harsh products and subsequent dry skin, and also from everything living under there and trying to come up. I was wondering if this stuff works to even things out like some of the others are supposed to??
Also your suggestion about changing some of the meds I will think about. I'm afraid to make too many changes right now because of the reunion coming up.
I just don't see a light at the end of the tunel right now and am very frustrated and depressed. I find myself constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing. This has been the worse breakout I think I've ever had and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing!! But your suggestions are always helpful and insightful. To be so knowledgeable, you must have followed a hard path too. We always appreciate your responses and I hope someday I can be on these boards helping someone else. I just don't know what I can offer right now ya know? By the way, I read some of your old posts about starting the skinoren, etc.....HOW in the world did you convince yourself to stick with it????

L :)

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