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Re: Micheguns
Jun 13, 2003
hi L.,
well, I am so sorry to hear that you are not having a good day. I know I am that way when I wake up and I look in the mirror I just know the day is going to be bad because I immediately feel gross and ashamed, and really look as awful as I describe. As for your weird bumps and scabs, i too get the same thing. A lot of my deeper pimples come to a puss head and a lot of the littler whiteheads just kind of scab over with a layer of skin. I can some how get the skin off (very carefully with tweezers) and then it just gets another layer on top and doesn't seem to decrease in size. And all my blackheads are staying put apparantely. I have had these little scaby ones for the duration of this treatment so far and don't know if they are going to budge. It is funny because i got these when i started the tazorac. I thought it was my initial breakout but that was about 8 weeks ago and they aren't going anywhere. My face is quite red today and I think i am getting rosacea due to all the stress my face is under because my cheeks and chin are persistently red all the time now, even when i am relaxed, and i have little broken blood vessels (little tiny red ones) all over my cheeks. I don't know if that is due to my rubbing when i cry or just stress but i have to keep an eye out for it because it could be rosacea. who knows??? I tried asking my derm. about it last appointment but he never really got around to answering me, i will just have to ask again. As for my parents, my dad is a mess because he was diagnosed with prediabetes (i think i already told you that in an earlier post) and his blood pressure won't calm down and he is on 2 blood pressure medications and these are the last 2 he can try because he has tried them all. So the stress is getting to him, and my mom tries to understand but she is kind of a ditz when it comes to me (i hate to say that because i love her) but she never has understood me and she plays dumb when she doesn't understand. Here is an example, we get in a fight over something and the next morning it is like she never even remembered we even talked. It is so frustrating for me. But i lover her, she has just never had to deal with pain in her life (and has never experienced a pimple, i mean not a one and she washes with clinique and that's that) So I guess we are just both frustrated with each other.
I was up late last night on the boards because I was crying and in a deep depression. Last night was the first night that I really haven't been able to go to sleep. No matter how upset i am, i usually can fall asleep pretty fast and get a good night sleep, but last night i just couldn't sleep and i woke up about 3 times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (and i never do that) and then i woke up at 6:00am becasue i just couldn't lie in my bed motionless anymore. It just seems like the days are getting harder now and my face is getting redder. I really thought for a moment (although very brief) that when i started the tazorac it was helping because i saw some stuff come up and it wasn't very irritating (although i had some dry patches). Now, my whole face gets redder by the day and it kinda burns in areas and my cheeks are constantly red and i am so oily yet the surface is dry and cracky. I am so blotchy along with all the scars and marks.
I hope you had a fun night with your daughter last night. One day I hope to have a child, but never think that i am going to look decent enough for someone to fall in love with me :( (let alone go out in the real world and get a job, who would hire this face?) I hope you also will be better for your reunion. My derm (the one on maternity leave that i like and have to wait a few months to speak to) suggessted that if i have a big event and needed to wear heavy makeup for a day to cover things up that dermablend would be ok (just for one day at a time and not too often) Of course, makeup wouldn't even stick to my face now seeing as if my skin just flakes or rolls off. But you might want to give it a go for your reunion if things aren't better. I don't know how uneven your skin tone is but this is great for that. Personally, I haven't used it on my face (never used to need it, heck i never wore makeup till my life collapsed around me) but i did used to use it on a keloid scar i have on my chest due to having a mole removed that was precancerous years and years ago. The scar was beet red and the makeup did a darn good job when i was self conscious about it. If only that was my problem today. Just a thought, i don't know if it will help.
as for me today, i am leaving soon to go have blood drawn and then i have an OBGYN appt. to follow up. Of course there is nothing to follow up on becasue she was the one that reffered me to the endocronologist and then she pulled me from the BCP and put me on the shot and spiro. we'll see!! I am just so depressed, and now i have to face the world and get gas in my car. I hate having to be around people these days becasue i am such a wreck, physically and emotionally. Let me know how things progress and i will let you know what the OBGYN and my derm say (if he ever calls or writes back) But most likely he will not return any calls this weekend either.
oh, i almost forgot, i picked up a hobby....i ordered some art supplies off ebay and hope to get started painting away in about 1 a week or 2 (if i win all my bids). So that will be an adventure in itself, and hopefully will take my mind off of some of this. who i am i kidding though, i know nothing takes my mind off of this!!
keep me informed :)

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