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Hi everyone,

Well, I am not sure about the a. acid working for me. It brought a lot out in the last month, but my skin is completely dehydrated, pitted (from that, not just acne ) and scaly. It is red and now irritated and I can't be sure but it is even breking out with the tiny oil ones in the dryest areas. I really liked the idea of this stuff too. I am very depressed. It seems the only thing that works for me is accutane. Its been 5 years of trying everything.....avita, tazorac, differin, klaron, triaz, bp, benzamycin, cleocin T, minocycline, erythromycin, spiro, yasmin.....and now azelex/finacea. I just don't know what the derm will say tomorrow but I feel like I'm at the end of the line. I feel like if he suggests another course of full accutane, even though I hate the idea, I may say yes. I need a break from this.
I didn't even apply the azelex since Saturday night and my skin still feels completely rough and scaly. The tiny oil filled ones are more of an irritation than acne in my opinion, although the derm tells me I'm crazy. I have always suspected this to be something else..lupus related. But they still have to "treat" as acne....and there will be virtually no conclusive way to tell if this is in fact caused by the lupus. I am so unhappy today and have cried all morning. But I am ready to not think about this anymore. I won't suggest it but I'm thinking he will. I've been to 4 derms in these 5 years and its always the same....
I don't know if applying a Hydrating moisturizer would help and then only applying the azelex at night or something, but it is WAY to drying on my skin to apply 2 times per day and even once with the condition of my skin is not going to work I don't think.
I also thought about applying for a couple of hours and then washing off..but I don't know if it would even work then. And if it won't work there's no reason to keep using it. I had such high hopes. The advice I've gotten has all been good, but most people have oily or normal skin. Mine is very dry. I have tried to stop the accutane completely, but the deep painful cysts come back within 5 or 7 days. What is wrong with me? This should be such a simple thing, and I don't understand why it can't be helped ?! I don't know what else to try. If he says to stick with this I will have NO choice but to moisturize with something that will also hydrate the skin. I wouldn't even know what type to try that won't break me out. I thought the jojoba oil was great, but it really doesn't hydrate the skin, and even this scaliness I don't think it could help. My skin was in better shape on the full accutane course. But why did I never clear completely? Why did I break out 5 days after the course ended.?? I tried everything at that time and wound up back on the tane 5 months later. Wasn't perfect but had so many more happy days than I've had in the past 9 months.
If this is from lupus, that would explain why it won't go away completely, but I have enough stuff wrong with me that will never go away that this is unacceptable.
My reunion is 5 weeks away, and I KNOW its vain, and you'll all tell me that its what is inside that counts , but I still want it gone. It just doesnt' seem like that much to ask.
As far as the azeleic acid goes, I thought it would help me and wish it would, but its just me again. Nothing ever helps. And I am soooooooo sick of feeling guilty for being on the accutane a few days per week. The more I've cut back the worse things have gotten. Maybe its not the best thing to be on, but I literally hate myself this way. What other choice do I have??
The only antibiotic I can try is amoxicillan and the pharmacist said the only ones that interact with the accutane are the tetracycline this something I should try.....even every other day or do I resort to the old accutane again? I am not going through the rest of the summer this way. I'm unhapy and it shows. I am not myself and no matter how hard I try, I hate this. Help...

You're right D, I guess I do want it to work right away, but I've been using it for 1 month tomorrow and I literally look like a burn victim. I am completely red and now breaking out from the irritation I think. It seems I can't win. My face is red and it looks indented everywhere...not just from acne but from being dehydrated. I really want the azelex to work! I gave the tazorac and cp serum almost 3 months, the spiro 9 months and the differin before that 8 months, even though I knew in my heart that they weren't working. I want off the accutane so much....but its the only thing that has remotely helped. I feel lost. I know I've only been on the a. acid for a month, but if I could see just a little improvement....the sunken pitted skin makes me think that topicals are just too strong. I look almost blistered or something. As I mentioned, I honestly wasn't this dry when I was on the accutane 7 days per week. And I also wasn't quite this dry on the differin....although I didn't leave it on all night either. I swear this is more of an immune system problem or something. I just don't know how to find out. The breakouts on my chin are more in "clusters" or something, almost like tiny rash pimples although it never has itched. I'd say 85% of my breakouts are oil filled and red and the other 15% is maybe whiteheads and blackheads and nodules. I just feel like I may need a break from all of this. I was sooo proud cutting down on the tane..all the while still breaking out and gradually getting worse. I kept trying topicals and the spiro. I just don't know what to think. the a. acid makes sense for what it is supposed to achieve, but honestly, I'm not sure I can use it without applying something to soothe my poor skin. Of course I would do this at a different time of the day, but none the less, it's too drying this way. It's like the top surface of the skin resembles glued scales and the skin underneath is completely red. My skin is so dehydrated that it resembles an orange or something. I want to stick with it, but what good will it do if I'm breaking out from constant irritation? Also, Yes I have tried other things both topical and oral for the lupus rashes. Accutane is the only thing that comes close to helping. I really thought at some point in the past 6 months I'd be able to "fix" this, but my reunion is getting closer and closer and I'm looking worse and worse.
I never even had to moisturize on the accutane course and not when cutting down, but the topicals along with it are maybe too much for me. I feel like I'm stuck.
I did look at the vit. K and willowherb serum and may order and try that. I wish I could find it around here. My skin is so dry..
I always appreciate the advice you and M give to me. I'm sorry I'm such a pain about all of this. The lupus makes things even more complicated I guess. I never looked anywhere near this bad when I was younger. I used Ivory soap and used makeup...never this bad even with that JUNK. But now trying to treat it, its almost like my face is rebelling. I know this is supposed to get the skin in better condition, but I'm afraid I'm literally making things worse. I didn't even over apply it. I haven't used it since Saturday night and I still look burned. The redness and dryness has been getting worse right along. I will say this, I do think it brought some things up to the surface, so I know it was doing something, but now even the healing ones are inflamed red spots because my skin is so irritated. I thought switching to the Azelz was the smart thing to do, but maybe either way it will be too drying. Funny because if I'm getting the oil filled pimples, there must be oil in there somewhere....... :( why is my skin so dry? I think the oil is stuck under the flakes....

I know...another long drawn out post. I wish I could be more optimistic.
M, I hope your appt goes well, and I hope the spiro kicks in soon. It really is a great pill .


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