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ok now,
well today was so filled with acne everywhere for me. i had a facial with the esthetician (sp) in my derm's office today, who is a very sweet lady. yet, she did not satisfy my facial needs. i used to get facials every month from my esthetician (who i didn't go to because of everything that happened and my embarrassment, etc) and my regualar lady never hurt me or damaged my skin and was oh so gentle. well the new lady blew that through the water today and oh my gosh my face i didn't think could look worse. well, i guess i was wrong. anyway, i got so fed up with my stupid pride today that i called my old lady (no joke intented) and she wanted to see me. well, she said, "we can help you a lot. no i can't gurantee perfection or how you were exactly, but i am hoping we can get you pretty close and then laser treatment most likely won't be necessary." well, as much as i liked to hear that, i still have doubts, you know. she has always used dermalogica on my and i have always liked their products, so i picked up 200 dollars worth (ouch) and am starting a new regimin as of now. she said that i should stop the azelex and start on this stuff again (which i used for years from when i was 14-17 or so, i guess all of high school pretty much). anyway, i am scheduled for july 3 for my first microdermabrasion (scary) and i will get a seried of 12 over 6-8 months she said. she said i need the full course (and i know that based on my horrid skin). she says i have to trust her and that what she wants me to to i HAVE to do it, meaning use the products like she says and cleanse like she says, etc. she explained to me the red face after procedure stuff, and that is what i don't like but have to expect. i just emailed my derm. as to what he thinks about this, because there is no way in hell i am letting that lady in his office touch my skin again. and she even used to be a client of my old lady who said "oh my gosh, she is an esthetician now, don't let her touch you, she can't be good for you, people think this is so easy, but it is a skill that needs to be atuned to each individual" well, don't i know she was right and i should have just gone to her from the start! so, anyway, where was i...oh yeah, i emailed the derm to see what he says and my parents have a meeting with him on tuesday to discuss all this because they are scared to death too about my face. she stopped my azelex acid use and has me on dermalogica and all that stuff and masks, etc. and she says she has dealt with many accutane patients and many worse off than me. i know she can make a difference for me, it is just up to convincing my parents, who trust her, but are concerned (as all parents are) and i know the first couple of months are going to be hard because this is all new and stuff. so i have a crazy mask on my face right now, and basically have to wear it all the time every night and whenever i feel like it during the day. it's kind of nice with it on, because i can look in the mirror and my face is covered in a white sheen, not ugly pits and fussures and hyperpigmentation. she said my pits won't all disappear, but can be diminished a lot. i know what some of you are thinking that she is trying to rip you off, etc. but lisa has always taken care of my skin and many others for years, and has kids of her own (beautiful girls i want to strangle..jk) and is very much Christian and believes in low stess and the power of God, etc. I trust her, yet am shaky on the subject because my face is so damaged, and i am wanting to start this, but it is my parents who have to be convinced (and my dad is on the NO side right now because he is out of town and can't really discuss it till he gets back and can talk to my derm). so, that was today and oh my gosh was it long and painful. let's just pray that this is right for me and this will help get me on the right track and back to a normal life.. she seems pretty confident!!

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