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thanks all

what the derm. meant by normal, was what i looked like 6 months ago. i showed him a picture of me at halloween when i was fine and no acne, and i showed him a picture of me in december (1 month on accutane with no problem yet) and normal to me is nice skin, not perfect, but pretty even toned, and i had one pock mark which i liked, it gave me character, it is to the left of my left eye. it was my character flaw and i embraced that sucker. now i struggle to find a spot on my face that doesn't have a pock mark or keloid or huge pores, etc. i couldn't see my pores before this, well maybe the ones on my nose, but now my right cheek looks like an orange, it is so pitted with large pores. the accutane caused problems in january (the whole month) and it was so bizarre that it just happened over night. i had no acne, no cysts, no blackheads at this time, just oily skin, and my dose just messed my face up so bad. so normal is just my skin, the skin i see in all my pictures, all the photos in the house, my drivers license, my school id, etc. no it's not perfect but i didn't hesitate to smile at myself (especially with makeup on lol)

i know you have been struggling too, and i know i could be a lot worse off than i am. i feel your pain about your lupus and your rashes and wish there was something i could do or say to make it better. the elidale is a good product and i think you might like it. although it is a little tacky it did help my face when i used it (although for a short period of time). have you thought about psoriasis creams as well??? what about Lactonal-E. i love that cream. it is a perscription and i put it on my scaly fingers when my psoriasis flares and it is so moisturizing and fixes the problem. trust me, it is not a moisturizer that will dry you out. maybe ask the derm. about it??? my psoriasis sucks and i have had it since i was 12 and it started on 1 finger then spread to all of them, then my knees, my ears, chest, etc. and i tried every cream and steroid and it wasn't until i gave up and did nothing that it got better (go figure). i still have it all over but now only my fingers are chronically dry (you would never know by looking at them though). i just use the lactonel-e and sometimes the tazorac gel on them and it gets better. have you tried calamine for your rashes or a soothing oatmeal bath/milk bath?? i don't know if those would help because i really am unfamiliar with the rashes and lupus, but i thought i would give it a shot with some suggestions. as for me and my face, i know some of my acne is still hormonal and that is not taken care of yet. and i know some of it is bacterial because i have clogged pores and if i look at them one day they are white, the next day they are very much inflamed and ready to leave their mark. so, i have both and i am sure my stress doesn't help. i am so greatful that you are here and i can talk to you as well as all the others and get support. i have been doing so much research (why i posted in the lupus board when we first met) and a lot of my symptoms (hair, numb leg, etc) have to do with the thyroid too (and it is abnormally shaped) but everything just keeps checking out ok. my ovaries are ok, i just can't figure it out. i had more blood drawn on monday to check my lipids, ldl and hdl, and cholesterol and all that was ok too. so i am stumped. i don't know what i am using that is irritating my skin. the neostrata is very creamy and gentle (doesn't sting) the azelex kind of tigles for 5 minutes (only in certain areas) then i am fine and i use it twice a day and my scaly skin has decreased to almost null. The lotion i have used since day 1 of accutane and it hasn't caused me problems. so, i will keep searching and i hope this facial doesn't screw me up too much. i know what to expect because i have had many of them, but my skin is so different i am afraid that it will be harsh (because extractions always hurt before) and then there is the microderm. i don't know about that. everyone here seems to agree that it is a waste of money. i am supposed to get a series of treatments, so who knows???? my dad called and i told him what the derm. said and he is going to call and schedule an appointment with him so he and my mom can talk to the derm. and really see what's going on (because my words are just tears right now). also, my mom is going to see the endo. to help me out there too. i love my parents for caring, but i don't want them to be too pushy and my dad has already proven that he can be. but he said he is always here for me!! i wish i coul just sit down for a cup of tea or something with you and just have both of us spill our guts out and cry and hug and then feel a little better because we know we are not alone! but i know that isn't possible, and the computer is what we have. my derm. says he knows that my frustration and anger is valid, as my problem was so sudden, but he says that time is what i need. i am 20 years old and haven't been happy with my life since i was 16. anorexia, depression, now this. happy 21st to me huh? alright, well i need to stop venting now and go eat some ice cream (lol). i know i think i should work on the diet, especially since i don't exercise right now because i don't leave my house. i just feel like a fat pig, though my parents tell me i;m not. i am 5 pounds overweight probably, but better than 30lbs underweight!!! ok, i am here for you L. and anything you need. please just vent and i will give you all the attention i can because i know your pain as you know mine and don't ever forget that you are in my prayers :)

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