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first, think, really think-what would change this way you feel- cause thats what you need to do. I feel the same way as you do in lots of ways. I am 24, a boy, and have always had the most beautiful girls as girlfriends, and been told that i should be a model, blah blah blah. Anyway, I had occasional zits, but nothing too bad, looking back. Then, last May, i was in a horrible car accident that i was lucky to survive, and then everything changed. I broke 4 bones, including a femur, an arm, a shoulder blade, and a skull fracture. That was weird, needless to say. 2 weeks later, i went home in a wheel chair, and invisioned a new me: no drinking no drugs no more dangerous stupidity. I would just heal and relax, and spend time with a few friends, get agirlfriend, go back to finish school; make a nice life for myself. I was lucky you know? I was good looking, i had some good friends, a nice family, and not so bad of a brain. Then, almost suddenly, everything changed. I began to get this bumpy zitty red rash on my entire face, neck and behind my ears. The humidity and heat of the summer were unbearable and only made it worse, especially w/out A/C! It was so devastating, people would call or come by, and I'd hate every minute of it. They looked so good, like 'normal', you know, and I felt this nasty zitty rashiness cover me, and beyond embarassed. You know how it feels, zits aren't something you really acknowlege or discuss with people who don't have them, it only makes you feel ugly. Anyway, the derm i was seeing just figured it was acne flaring up in the humidity, and put me on antibiotics, gave me a topical, and then another topical for the really affected areas. No major changes for 10 months! I started school in the fall, and continued to avoid any and all personal contact. The worst was when I had to take a speech class. Getting up in a crowded, humid class full of beautiful people with that rash. But i did it anyways, what were my alternatives? To shorten things here, I went to a new dermotologist in the beginning of April, who was shocked at the poor diagnosis I had received, and immediately started me on things to cure seborrheic dermatitis, and rosacea acne. It got 60% better in like 2 weeks! After that, it stopped getting better, and on May 5th, i started accutane, 20mgs. Since then I have experienced a minor, localized cystic breakout on my chin, but other than that, the rosacea/seborrheic dermatitis has cleared substantially. The breakout is going to end any day now, and then i feel i can rightfully, in confidence, start talking to more people. I'll start going out more, and begin to come out of this impervious little shell i have made for myself.. So, why don't you stop and ask yourself, 'why do i feel like this, and what would change it' Once you've figured out that, you can attack the problem with everything you have. And believe me, you will win, all it takes is determination. And tell your husband! You love him, right? Well, let him into your mind, let him know how it feels, and let him comfort you. He married you, he loves you. You never have to be embarassed around him, think about it, he picked YOU.

[This message has been edited by clearblues (edited 05-20-2001).]






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