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[QUOTE=sodawater]This question is intended mainly for people who were not diagnosed until they were adults.

I'm wondering how many others out there developed an essentially pathological series of coping mechanisms, such as avoidance of conflict around responsibilities, selective denial, etc. in response to their struggles.

For me this seems to be the most damaging legacy of un-managed ADD and the hardest to address. The phenomenon described in another thread as 'Paralysis of the Will' seems very closely related. Its obviously similar to procrastination, but I'm referring not so much to doing things at the last minute as I am to letting the deadline pass and feeling completely paralyzed. For me, I then often become unreasonably anxious about confronting the person I've let down, and it just spirals out of control. In fact, I'm in the midst of a particularly bad period with this right now.

This is something I'm getting help with and trying to work on, so I'm not looking for advice, just wondering if I'm alone in this.

Mainly I'm just wondering if other people have had the same experience. If so I would find it comforting to hear about. Thanks![/QUOTE]
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:wave: Hi Sodawater-- let me take a few minutes to respond before I don't even start doing my travel report (TR) for approximately the last month and a half. If I don't turn it in soon my company will charge me personally for the whole thing (over $1K). Now why would I risk that? I'm not sure this is 'paralyzed will' but that seems as close as anything. If this were an isolated case it would be one thing, but I'm always way late doing TRs. Some possible why's: -- I have a similar aversion to balancing my checking account, mostly because it never balances despite my best efforts and then the 'bottom line', so to speak, is always semi-frightening/FUBAR. --In the case of this TR, I was going to take some time to take a few days off (San Diego) and it was to a conference I attend regularly that my work/boss don't like but have to send someone because if they didn't the company would look bad, so I always feel guilty going on company expense, so I try to pay for it myself once in a while, but this time my boss told me I couldn't take either the weekend before or after and just HAD to attend some meetings (unscheduled at that point) on the Monday and Friday of the conference week, so I had to cancel my arrangements (including seeing my sister for once in the past 3 years) AND take 2 redeyes (to there and back), and then neither of the meetings happened, and my sister was seriously disappointed and said I should have come anyway and so on. So, maybe it's not hard to understand why I have trouble turning in this TR in particular or any others in general. It's like the mind can get sort of 'black and blue' marks and then after a while when one gets pinged on it hurts like he** and paralysis sets in, and then there's the dread that goes along with having yet another occurrence, and of course aversion for that reason and wanting to forget/block thinking about the consequences, the past occurrences and all the frustration about 'why me', etc.

And that's just TR's! It's even less hard to understand why something actually important, esp. close personal relationships, would have the same kind of things happen, just bigger time and bigger black and blue marks if not outright contusions or broken dreambones or -- whoa, where's the closest trauma unit??

Unfortunately I don't have any Rx that works very well. I know that talking about it and continuing to find ways to reduce the impact and help to improve the outcomes definitely helps. There are other little things in the general how-to-get-on-top-of-ADD toolkit that help, like only-handle-it-once (OHIO)-- i.e. don't pick it up and then drop it-- if you pick it up, finish it, and if you have semi-paralysis about picking it up, then try to re-focus some of your focus (I know that's hard to do for over-focusing type ADD people but try it) to the task, even if you have to re-prioritize to do it (even if re-prioritizing will result in yet again some other disappointment for not getting something else done!). Which brings me to another ADD thing, which is having too many things on your plate or spinning too many plates in the air, so to speak, where you just can't get everything done and you can't seem to get rid of anything because they're all just super-important (right!) and you have a hard time not adding more and can't seem to get rid of any and on and on-- you probably know what I mean about this. Well, maybe you can take a look at the various things you spend your time/consciousness at and re-prioritize them as far as your focus is concerned and just, well, dump some of them (or at least seriously defer them, even if you have to FORCE yourself/mind to not spend energy on it-- I mean, if you're going to be 'in denial' then it might just as well be to slough off something in favor of at least getting something ELSE of a 'higher priority' done or worked on or worked out, right? Well, there's some logic to that, and I find that it works, although it's hard to 'take stock' of what you do and to re-prioritize and actually carry out your own goals. OK, then, get your good-twin-brother/sister Angel to COMMAND you to do it!)

There's more in the ADD toolkit; please check the literature. Check out 'Driven to Distraction' and others by Hallowell et al. And keep networking!
:angel: (Angel sez hi 2)





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