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I agree with you guys i think the thing i hate most is conversations... I don't talk enough i guess and so people ask me questions... then i feel like such a f*** up. Like I'm taking 3 classes at a university.. and after school began if someone asked me (this happened) what my classes were it would take me a minute or two to think about it... and once i couldn't remember.

I've said soooo many emberassing things in my life without thinking. So i keep quiet which is not good because if you don't say what you want even if you do sound stupid you'll never get it. I'm only 18 and have thought I had it all my life but never got tested cause i didn't want to have it. but I was diagnosed with it 2 weeks ago and have been put on only 10mg of adderol 2x a day and i love it.

I wish i had been tested earlier in my life because i know it would have made school so much easier... luckily i'm somewhat smart it was only reading that i could never figure out how to get focused on. A couple years ago i found that listening to elevator music on headphones helps you concentrate on boring stuff sooooo much because it blocks out your surroundings.


Oh here's a funny stupid story lol.... a few years ago i got gas and left the handle in so i drove off and it was ripped out of my car. And my friend saw he still always reminds me of how "blonde" of a brunette I am.
hmm... what else have i done that will make you giggle

i don't remember but i know there is alot... like everyday at least something lil. schedules is the only thing that keeps me sane as well. However if ADD is left untreated it can cause soooo many probs.. I have anxiety, chronic depression, i used to be addicted to pain killers I havn't taken any for over a month though. It's hard to be happy when you feel so different, and if it's soo hard to get through the day cause you feel that you can't accomplish anything. and no good will come of your actions in the long run. It also doesn't help feeling that no one really cares about you. Which i know is untrue my parents do care a bit, and i have one best friend who defenitly cares... but till i got my boyfriend and really tried to fix myself even though i did slip up many times.... i forgot where I was going with that sorry.

Thats also what happens even though i am on adderol as well... I'll be telling a story and I'll forget where I'm at or where i was going, or even what story i was just telling. ugggh. I usually would erase it but it just shows you the add probs i think. I really don't know that much about it... but i defenitly know that i wish i knew about it before i got to highschool. It's a prob i guess and it's not ur fault so you shouldn't feel guilty. = this i think i'm telling to myself this past week over and over. It's such a prob and i really don't like drugs but if it keeps me sane and not wanting to hurt myself than it's the right choice. plus i'm not using pain killers which really didn't do any good. If you take like 20 of them i thought it would kill you but it just makes your stomach kill as it eats out the lining of your stomach. It makes you not feel physical pain when i wanted it to fix my emotional pain... which i think is the fault of the ADD. I just wish someone would have noticed before i ****ed my body up soo much. thats why i just want to reiterate to get tested!

ESPECIALLY IF YOUR YOUNG... cuz the stuff we have to do in school is almost impossible. I go to the university of michigan and i gave up w/ life cuz of all the stress and I've been depressed for 2 and a half years at least. - i didn't open my mouth until november though and go to see someone.
I don't know I have a poor childhood i guess and that prolly makes you and me alot diff. (my bro used to beat me) lol i had blocked it out of my memory for years everytime it happened it would go into the back of my brain and the door would lock it shut. My therapist brought it out of me a month ago and it was just soo hurtfull. If i wasn't on anti depressants i dont think i'd be here right now. I hated her for opening that door but now i'm learning to cope with it and i know even though i don't like drugs i would not be able to do it without them. my bro's 20 now he's 6'4 really big but he hasn't hit me for 1 -2 years, but he still hurts me day to day with words "your a ****in drugie, your so messed up, my dick's smarter than you" etc. it's ridiculous. He's got an anger prob and i think he was forced to go to counceling for it a couple years ago, i know he had to go sometime im not sure when. But two days or three days ago he tried to take one of my cars (my families wealthy, but i paid for them) and i wouldn't let him. He took my keys since i left the sunroof open (i have a key code and never take my keys out on one of my sable) and he tried to take my camaro. I grabbed them from him while he was in the shower and ran outside. But he still had my sable spare so i told him if he didn't give it back id reck his room. So he in turn through it into my front yard. Then we continued to bicker cause i couldn't find it. And he came up to me as if he was going to hit me then I screamed "hit me, do it!" and i kept on telling him to hit me. he got soooo red pointed at the key then got into his f150 and left - i don't even know why he wanted to take my car i don't drive it much the sables more handy. but anyways. It felt soooo good to yell at him uh i loved it!!!!!!!!

Sorry this is sooo long I kinda got off your topic, but it feels good to journal on the computer. It's so much better than writing to me. And i don't want to save it on here because i have no purpose for it. plus if someone finds out my password they'd be able to read it and thats always a concern. Why take the chance? I always use the same three passwords thats why its such a big risk. otherwise i'll forget them.

oh heres something that happened last week i just remembered. I went to the atm and forgot to take the card out for a minute and it ate it so i thought that i did take it. Then i continued to search through my car for it for bout 15min till i was sure i didn't take it out.

Well heres a mouthfull... GET TESTED

my best,

Becca





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