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nickkaylee,

I read your post about 18 hours ago and said, don't touch that one. Nicolas has serious problems and his mom needs expert advice in dealing with them.

I am not an expert. But I think I know something that will work.

First, let me give you my credentials. My wife and I have no children. However, we were entrusted with her two nephews for 5 or 6 years after my wife's sister decided to hop in bed with another man. My brother-in-law got custody. But until he remarried several years later, well, we were the parents most of the time.

I agree that sometimes a divorce is the only solution. My brother-in-law really had no choice. Wife's sister wanted out and left. Period. To this day, she's a flake. Wants to party as if still a teen.

My other credential is that I am as ADHD as hell. But I didn't know until quite recently. It is so easy to remember my school days and the TORMENT I experienced. Your boy has got a very serious medical problem and it must be addressed. You are doing that.

ADHDers at any age need structure. ADHD children need structure too but they also need lots of love. There is no quick fix solution. Anything you try will take months, if not years, to produce some positive results.

Here is a few things you might try ...

1. Hug and kiss, and kiss, and kiss Nicolas several times a day. He must know he is loved. Right now he hates himself.

2. Nicolas has to learn that there are rules. And breaking the rules brings consequences. I'd start first with his attacks on his sister. You must put a stop to that immediately. The next time he transgresses, hug and kiss him and tell him, "Nicolas, I love you and I don't want you to grow up and get into really big trouble." (You might explain to him that if an adult did what he did, the adult would be sent to prison.) "So I want you to go to your room and stay there for (whatever amount of time you deem appropriate.)

We both know what Nicolas is going to do. He will be in his room punching holes in the walls, screaming, hollering, caring on. Let him do it. But don't give in. And don't fix the holes. It will be sometime before he stops making new ones.

3. Reward, however so slight, any improvement you see in his behavior.

4. Keep repeating steps 1 - 3 until some improvement is noted.

5. Give Nicolas chores to do. Start small and progressively add responsibilities. ADHD children learn to love themselves by a series of small successes. Nothing else works. All children need to learn that life's rewards are only attainable through hard work and persistance. Otherwise, they grow up thinking the world owes them a living.

6. I agree that Nicolas needs meds. And I know from experience that stimulants calm me down. However, one of the first signs of "too much" is insomnia. Insomnia is a certainty for me if I take my Adderall too late in the day. Nothing exascerbates my ADHD symptoms worse than fatigue. It is risky to up his Dexedrine if he is at max. If your consistant application of points 1 through 5 produce no positive results, talk to your doctor about a non-stimulant med for the evenings. He made need it, I don't know. I do know that like every other disorder there are degrees of ADHD. A severely ADHD person may need more meds than usually prescribed. But rarely any doctor other than a shrink will make such a call.

Whatever you do, remember this: It is going to take consistent application over an extended period of time to produce results.

Bob





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