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ADD / ADHD Message Board

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Board Index > ADD / ADHD | 0-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I think there is something seriously wrong with me! As a child I was diagnosed with dyslectic and I think ADD. They put me in a special school but my mom never really talked to me bout why?! Iím not sure about the ADD part, and my mom doesnít remember, she would have never put me on any meds anyway. I liked the school so it was Ok for me. I was always very popular in school with the other kids, teachers and parents. I was the best athlete and the joker of the class. I'm thirty 32yrs now and had quiet an exciting journey up until this moment. I skipped going to college cause I got the opportunity to travel the world threw modeling and performing (dance hip hop n modern). Thatís all I ever wanted to do anyway... perform! I was always very clear on what I wanted in life. I did do a year of college in Germany but.....and here is the problem.....I never finish things I start!!!! I always get distracted and I'm very impulsive!

I have a short attention span; unless I have interest in it then I can up sest and spend hour and hours in the library or Internet researching trying to fine any thing I can about the subject. The thing is I can't remember 10% of the info I spend researching. I don't remembering names dates or any medical terms. But I'm far from a dummy. Most of my friends are lawyers and very professional, intellectual people. Meaning they wouldn't have me as there close friend if I was stupid.

Moving on... I have poor time management skills, procrastinate on projects - I will start them but not finish them. I also make poor decisions in my life, for the past 10 years I always seem to be getting over a bad relationship. I don't seem to see the whole picture. I love art and I am a very talented painter, but It takes forever for me to actually start a painting... Like one every two years, if Iím going through an emotional pain, and it depends on what kind of relationship Iím getting out whole life has bin based on doing something based on my emotions and impulse and I'm scaring myself cause its getting worse! Now, since I never finish projects, I feel like an under achiever and that makes me depressed and insecure which leads me to want to escape into just hanging out having a couple of glasses of alcohol to many to often. The smoking of the cigarettes to so call calms my nervous..... And that leads to being tired and feeling the need to recuperate and detoxify from the night before. Then I come down on myself cause I have very high expectations of my dreams and myself.

I don't think I'm an alcoholicÖyet! Because I much more prefer to smoke weed, which I do on occasion, thatís actually seems good for me cause it helps my anxieties and I can slow down, but after a couple of days of smoking It always dose a 380 on me, I start getting tired and lazy and just want to stay in my house.. So I stop. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm getting out of control. From always having very well to do partners I starting to be attracted to the more: dark, lots of baggage and needy last ex was Bipolar borderline homicidal suicidal!!!! Nothing against bp people but Iím behaving so irresponsible about my life what is wrong with me? Is it maybe the ADD getting worse by my actions and lack of discipline? Do I even have ADD? I know its a lot I just put down here ...I did therapy but from the 3 therapist I had over the years they always end up telling me IM Fine I just need to plan better... but Iím not, and it's getting worse, help if you have any food for thaughts..Iím tired of not thinking before acting. And it keeps on hurting me. Not really up for taking any meds. Thanx

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