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Rheanna,

I wrote out the following in Notepad before I read your latest. After my read of your latest, I encourage you to carefully consider what I've written. Why? Because that book by Pinsky is rock-solid, real life practical ADHD fix bad habits stuff. Even more so after seeing how valid Pinsky is, please read.

It is weird in view that I've never met you and most likely never will that I feel I have an obligation to reciprocate at least a little of your good advice that was one case life saving all other cases, though, very relevant. I'm not asking you to agree just consider. I use notepad because I am so OCD that any text editor with more bulk and I'll start fretting over fonts or some other nonsense.

I got some info on organizing and scheduling that I think can help you.

First, though, help me organize my brain. This is going to be a long post.

Index, I write long posts when I'm thinking out loud. My short posts are because I did my thinking out loud before I posted. Ok, I went through and edited out a lot. The rest stands because I think it necessary to make my case.

By everyone's standards except my own I'm a successful guy. I got a magnificent wife, a successful marriage (that was in question a few years back but no longer) and all the material trappings that supposedly mean you are happy.

I've never experienced anything resembling happiness up until a few months ago. No one can be happy with a brain bug like ADHD. Chaotic thinking generates emotional instability. Sort of happy one moment, anxious the next, then depressed, lack of confidence one moment, supremely confident the next. That emotional instability is what I facetiously have referred to as demons - because it's worse than demons.

I am a walking enema (I'll leave it even though I meant enigma in case both are true), paradox and all other words that mean puzzling. How so? Wife and I should be in ADHD induced skid row poverty. We’re not.

Everyone that knows me in person thinks I'm crazy because I say I'm crazy and they think I’m just kidding. Of course, excluded are a few close friends and my wife who know me well.

Let's get relevant before Index flames me.

How do I do it? That is, appear not crazy to the masses.

1. My wife
2. I'm obsessive but not globally obsessive.
3. I'm rebellious

My wife manages my life and "her" house because we wouldn't have a house otherwise and that is numero uno reason why I'm not on skid row.

I'm obsessive but in three areas only - computer code, debt, and finding my brain bug root. I've written four still out there distributed programs used by hundreds of people and I can honestly say no one has fewer bug reports than me. What’s more, all four programs are written in C/C++ the most ADHD unfriendly, detail centric computer language short of Assembly. I obsess over my code. And I just plain hate debt. Love spending money but hate debt. Incidentally, my documentation SUCKS and wouldn't you know it, last week I did get a bug report on one of the apps that I designed about five years ago to be Win 98 compatible. I know what went wrong. Microsoft changed something. My problem is I haven't the foggiest notion of how my program works and no one else on the planet does either so I'm screwed even though MS is to blame.

The above is all totally relevant and here is why:

Now I got to write the damn documentation to find the damn bug. Hence it will take me a couple of weeks to fix a bug that otherwise would take me a few seconds. I know what the bug is (most likely a deprecated Windows API function) just don't know where it is. No one can recall in sufficient detail how their own code works a short while after the project ships. The level of detail levels the playing field. Of course, I unleveled it by not doing what normal brainers do with documentation. No way would I forget my own logic. Actually I never thought that. I simply couldn't figure out how to do something that boring.

The real relevancy: It took me a few weeks to finally organize my basement workshop. It takes me seconds now to maintain the organization. The principle runs across the board with all the ADHD bad habit fixes I've made to date. I'm spending large sums of time fixing disorganization (with wife's help) just as I am about to "waste" an entire week or more on writing documentation that should have been written five years ago but wasn't written because I don't obsess over anything except code and debt and ADHD root. All other facets of my life were (and some still are) as chaotic as my brain. The "ketchup" is the killer. I honestly thought at one point, "no wonder I'm not organized. It's too inefficient." Well, that is malarkey but the "Ketchup" principle is another ADHD catch-22. Normal people would find my "disambiguation" a nightmare. For those of us with the bug, it's the Return of Freddy and Godzilla plus all the more current scaries I don't know about because I don't do movies because I get bored about 2 seconds in unless the flick is absolutely captivating. Anymore, those types are virtually non-existent. Strike out "virtually."

More relevancy on the so-called above relevant paragraph. Of all people (normal or buggy) we are the least equipped to "ketchup" on organizing, planning and scheduling. Those abstractions are not compatible with ADHD chaotic brain syndrome and the havoc it has created in our lives.

Rheanna, point to be gleaned from wordy above - you can't do it on your own. Books or no books. It is not just "you", it is all inclusive. Adult ADHD remediation must be therapist or coach assisted remediation or it won't work regardless of the quality of the information source. As I posted, my CBT manuals say at the get-go, this ain't happening without the therapist. I bought both the Therapist and Client copies so I could roll my own. My very unique to me circumstances - my wife and my obsessiveness - are how I'm beating the otherwise certain "it won't work." And one other humongous factoid which I am about to reveal.

Next "relevant" point: I posted how great and wonderful I think Dr. Amen is. I did in substance say just that. Sometimes it's hard to put in words where we are coming from - know what I mean? I love Amen more so because he beats the sucky U.S. shrinks for understanding ADHD as defined in the DSM-IV that so happens to be the mainstreamer's Bible.

Rheanna, I got issues. Let's define them: I've read in their entirety 5 books on ADHD and only one was by Amen. I post up a storm here and carefully read virtually every post by others. Further, I've read untold ADHD web pages (hmn, ADHD as both noun and adjective). Do you think it safe to say I've learned a little something about ADHD? Oh, not to mention, I live it. I'm glad you agree because I think so too.

Now, let's humble the proud. And let's confine ourselves to one singular named disorder - ADHD. I have never tackled anything as complicated as that ONE singular brain bug. I know squat about all other brain bugs but am now pursuing an OCD education out of necessity.

I have many times, far more than I care to admit, posted bad advice. The common denominator in my bad advise list is we don't all live in the same house (per JaneWhite) or the same universe per me. A failure to recognize that should be obvious factoid on my part accounts for most of my bad advice. 5-HTP works for me on demon control (after the meds poop out). Fish oil doesn't do squat for me on focus control - so what? We don't all live in the same house - that's what.

You'd think with so many houses no one could possible come up with standards. Not only can, did - it's called the DSM-IV unless V is out now.

There is rhythm to the madness. We are all unique but nowhere near as unique as we thinkest.

I have my bad personal experience with shrinks. And I see posted fairly regularly statements by so-called doctors like, "well, if you have tics you have ADHD." Huh? If you "look" focused you can't have ADHD. Hmn, most space cadets look pretty focused to me. U.S. shrinks are a disgrace to us Americans. Such mistaken ideas (that is, do not agree with the criterion for ADHD in the DSM-IV) can be seen on this board with disturbing regularity. And my own experience supports that it's the shrinks not the good people that post here misquoting their shrinks. Who the hecks am I to challenge our learned shrinktoids? I read the freaking books including the ADHD section in the DSM-IV or least those portions on line, that's how I without credentials can rightly challenge those who have the credentials. My reason for believing the DSM-IV is correct is the same reason I think Amen is correct. Both match my 56 years of ADHD life experience. It is not a matter of who possesses the Holy Grail - mainstream shrinks or the Amen shrink (he is a shrink), rather it's a matter of why haven't those (I want to start cursing and swearing and going postal but this is good clean board so I won't) shrinks who should know but don't know?

Now, let's relevantize the above so-called relevant paragraph.

Rheanna, by saying what I'm about to say I'm now going into an area where a little knowledge might be deadly. I'm going anyway because from what I gleaned from your experience with German doctors is, well to be blunt, they are more ignorant than U.S. doctors. When I say ignorant and doctors it is always as in "doctors are ignorant about ADHD." German or American. Additionally, you simply may be unable to change a nation to suite my take on the ADHD world.

Here it goes: Your dose of Ritalin is far too low for it to be effective. Ritalin's fast burn time (I guess they call it efficacy time) means if you are prescribed 10 mg of Rit per day you get 2 hours of normal brainedness. I did find a shrink finally (the guy I see now) that I should call a psychiatric doctor because he is a doctor of psychiatry not a loser shrink. My guy is my 2 hours source (actually he said two or three, my experience is 2) of efficacy for adults. He further blew my mind when he responded "less for children" when I asked "so adults burn it faster?" Methylphenidate is effective for sure, but it poops out so fast you probably need 50 or 60 mg for a day's worth of normal brainedness. 10 mg of Adderall would be a better choice but from my take on your posts Adderall isn't happening. Adderall generic IR has about 2.5 times more burn time than generic Rit. Look at the dif in dose assuming I'm correct and I admit I may be in error. Again, my experience just a little Adderall is a lot of Ritalin not because Adderall is real speed but because of its much longer efficacy time. Same shrink said if I prefer Ritalin then let's do Concerta. Again, from what I gleaned from you, Germany has yet to recognize that ADHD does not stop at age 18 for many of those it plagues. Mystifying to me for a country noted for its engineering excellence. Oh, well, smart in one thing doesn't make anyone smart in another.

The other factor I alluded to several thousand lines above is: Nothing would have changed for me even with wife and OCD if I didn't have access to right meds at the right dose.

Let's flip flop the "we don't all live same house." Despite what many who live in other houses have posted, for some of us, fish oil isn't going to cut it. Speed - enough of it - is our only hope of caging the beast.

Per my "I'm rebellious" in my got-going-for-me list at the early stages of this post of Index ire arousing length.

I don't care, never have and never will about IQ or college degrees. Only because I've seen too many losers who possess both. I respect accomplishment. I respect Index and JaneWhite because they graduated college and grad school, Jane's case. Not because both are smarty pant high IQers. And, while it took me long enough to get it, I get it. The reason you and I failed at same is because we have worser versions both in type (my case) and degree (in your case.) Let's transmigrate this into topic at hand. I don't care if Amen is right or it's the other camp. Only thing that matters to me is identifying who's in the know and who's the loser. The paradoxical irony of it all, my case I've concluded both camps are talking apples with difference being word choice for the most part. So I like Amen's wording better because it helped me see I do in fact very much so have a co-morbid. Someone said, ADHD rarely travels along. Amen to that if not Amen to Amen.

Incidentally, you’re smarter than me too. My IQ came in at 119.5 first test, 116 second. So what? IQ is mostly a measure of potential not achievement as evidenced by U.S. Shrinktoids.

Career choices is another good use of IQ score. Good for more than just whether he's a screw up or he's dumb. Back in my day my IQ test said "he's a screw up." I'm long over fretting over something that was unavoidable at the time. I get torqued seeing the same type mistakes being made by shrinks long after they quit blaming Mom for all our woes. Or was it sex they blamed for everything? In that case, they were right afterall :)

Did I mention I'm good at sarcasm? Too bad that's a bad point. But when dealing with bozos what choice does one have?





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