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Hi anguished,
being an ADDer myself i can say that self doubt and to a degree sometimes are part and parcel of the nature of the beast for some. The thing is though yes as a person with Adhd I get down sometimes, but mainly I find it is because I listen to negative self talk I have becomes used to. My strategy for this is usually I shut my eyes when I am going into the rap of I am no good bla bla. I stop and then ask myself how would my friends view this.
Not being able to make fiends or have lasting social relationships is not necessarily due to Adhd. It could be to other things such as perhaps mild aspergers syndrome, or perhaps semantic pragmatic disorders, or Non verbal learning disorder, mild social anxiety disorder, or the good old just plain shyness.In any rate do not look for a quick self help fix on the net although often you will find some great advice, but that is no way a substitute for seeking medical advice. I would if I were you be approaching your doctor as some of the things you say make me concerned you are verging towards the dark side of depression. As I have suffered major depression and an anxiety I know the black hole of feeling worthless. I would seriously recomend you see a GP tell him how you are feeling worthless, and I would get a blood test done as what may my depression worse was thyroid issues Ie I was hyperthyroid, symptoms of which often mimoc Adhd so so many other medical conditions.
Okay the Meds that are prescribed for ADD do help for some some they don't it is important to know this. People with Add ( adhd) are IDIDic Thinkers Ie their brain is continually in a sleep state. All humans have their brains in this state
it is usually just before we fall asleep. For the record it is the time when the brain is most creative, people with adhd brains are in this idic state full time. That is why when kids that have ADdh are often hypo and distracted by external stimuli is because the brain is sleepy get the stimulation and says WHoh I like this lets gets busy and seek some more.
In the stay still linear world of schools that is where there is a clash between ADhd and school, because normal wake my brain up Adhd behaviour of adhd like being active walking around class and calling and excessive talking is not accepted or often understood.
All the Meds like Ritalin simply do is for the person with Ahd is wake up the brain to give the person a chance of a clear non distracted capacity for a clear focused thought. That is fine but often with Adhd it rarely travels alone. Years of being hurt by the linear sit still putting you down for something you can't control and do not deliberately choose to do can scar. To a degree many adults that have Adhd only often get the diagnoses late in life usually after some sort of other emotional meltdown of crisis or when their kids get diagnosed they get set off for diagnoses as well. Depression is a quite common as a secondary to adhd.
Okay if you are Adhd and get put on meds that is fine but if you have untreated depression or anxiety that new ability of clear focused thought can actually make the self doubt negativity and feeling of worthlessness and depressive thoughts and feelings worse. WHich is why a good GP and good mental health professional with expertise with adult adhd are essential. Depression s something not to take lightly and wishing that you were dead as you said is a cause for concern, seek your doctors advice as depression is quite treatable as yes people recover can rebuild their lives.
take care cheers artsy.

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