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[QUOTE=mccmelissa;4205293]So... I'm naturally an extremely quiet person, i keep to myself and im always worried about something. It's difficult to reach out to people and be social when I'm so anxious. I try to fight it but i have really low self-esteem and i feel like life's going nowhere. i cant see myself doing something or going somewhere that will make me happy. It makes me feel hopeless... I'm a senior in highschool but it seems to be getting more and more difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. I stare at the clock and scribble down a countdown of the time left till the bell rings on my papers. I always want to go go go somewhere and get out. Notes appear on the board faster than I can concentrate on them and i constantly forget about papers and projects assigned. Teachers talk and tal but my thought run rampage. Actually my friends joke and say its like i have alzeimers... i just forget i think cuz i dont pay attention enough to remember anything told to me in the first place. I'm exhausted all the time, its like i have no energy. no matter how much i sleep. i have difficulty falling asleep at night and i toss and turn but when i get home from school i take 3 hour naps. I never feel refreshed anymore.
I've tried going to bed earlier. I just lay there restlessly for hours. I drink coffee afterschool... sometimes in the morning but i still end up taking naps right after i finish them when i get home. It's soo hard to wake up for school. I know people hear that a lot from teenagers but sumtimes it's so bad i just wanna curl up and hide from the world because of the thought of getting up that tired and zombie-like is so horrible it makes me anxious and depressed. I've also tried excercizing, like lifting weights and doing aerobics, and drinking plenty of water...i have salad at school everyday. I honestly did not notice any difference.
At school my attendence is dropping... which makes me even more worried and anxious about credit deductions and so forth... college's can change their mind on acceptances. that entire important decision process is something i keep putting off. I feel so guilty, like I'm being lazy and irresponsible... but these mood swings and the total lack of energy makes me feel like I have no control over my emotions.
I honestly think the main, if only reason, I'm depressed is the constant worry and stress I feel because of college and the future... having a new boyfriend... among other things. So many things worry me i cant even name them, they overwhelm me.
I love being with my boyfriend... but there's always something holding me back- im so quiet and anxious that i feel like I'm going crazy and I got to keep it all inside and hide it from him or else he'll think I'm nuts. I know this is illogical because he loves me and understands when i actually do talk about it but i can't help but think it anyway, and of course worry. If this doesnt stop i might end up pushing him away and i love him too much to even think about that but. i just dont know anymore
I wouldn't be so stressed out if I could only stay focused. If I could stop thinking about the million and one things constantly running through my mind worrying me... it's no wonder im exhausted... Maybe it's just the lack of sleep making me down and lethargic? I'm such a procastinator in school now and i absolutely hate the thought of homework.. of doing anything... its like my motivation is gone. i so wish i had the energy for an afterschool job...Sometimes i have up moods, and sometimes i feel so low i just cry and cry and feel like the world is closing in around me. oh.. and my pulse is always at a constant race, its kind of unnerving.

I tried generic adderall XR once... yes... unprescribed.... it was during a time when my mood was so low i thought i was literally gunna mentally snap and lose all sanity... I was home alone all day and i had nowhere to go or anyone to see because ive been pushing my friends away and i dont even realize it most of the time. I didn't take it to get 'high' .... i took it as a desperate attempt to feel normal... i know this self medication was wrong of me and i shouldnt have done it but...
I took this 20mg pill and i actually... started to feel like Ok... It was like I was more optimistic and easygoing. I found that i was actually talkative for once in my life. I was socializing and connecting with people and thats something i never would have been comfortable with before but suddenly i felt confident in my own skin. I liked who i was. I was happy, i felt motivated to do my homework, i had a great day just talking and spending time with my boyfriend, and i honestly felt at ease and wasn't extremely worried... the only thing that i didnt like was that i had difficulty falling asleep that night...but after months and months of being so exhausted and feeling like a zombie the healthy energy I felt during the day made me feel normal and refreshed. To have this burden ive been living with so easily removed was amazing. and yet now i am devastated. I know doctors will just label me as depressed and never prescribe me adderall... I know antidepressants arent happy pills... Is that so bad? to want to be happy? I truly believe adderall made me be myself if that makes sense...Who i am without all the mixed emotions i battle with in my head or without all the ridiculous brain signals telling me to worry, be anxious, and feel down.
What should I say to my doctor? it's not like i can tell them i've illegally tried aderrall... I really think this medication helps me, especially if i were to take it in a smaller dose... I just wish my doctors would think this too without labeling me off to antidepressants... and dismissing a drug that makes me normal. but who knows... maybe i have all three: depression ADD and anxiety disorder. lol why cant i be normal, i have no clue what to do. advice?[/QUOTE]

I experience the same thing in the sense that I always have to go go go. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and have never used anything for it. But this now makes me curious as to whether it will at very least solve some of the problems I have with it.

Thank you for sharing this.





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