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I am 33 y/o and have been in counseling for 6 months. I finally took my therapists advise and went to a psychiatrist. He prescribed me Adderall. I have the generic which is called Amphetamine Salts 20 mg. I took my first dose 1 1/2 hours ago since I just got it at the pharmacy. He told me to take one in the a.m. and one at lunch time.
I know I took it too late, but wanted to try it while I'm at home. I didn't want to start this for the first time while driving or something.

I've struggled with ADD my entire life. I am also dyslexic. I was diagnosed as dyslexic when I was in junior high. However, they had a different name for it then. Then I went through testing in college due to troubles I was having on the standardized test they required. I could get through the college classes that I was interested in by listening. However, I struggled with keeping up with reading and the written assignments. If the classes were boring or distracting I had trouble listening.
Some how I made it even though it took a long time. I graduated college when I was 30 y/o. Which was huge for me. I was told by some family members and my ex that I wasn't smart enough and could never get through college. People really thought I wasn't smart because of my learning disability. I can't spell but luckily now a days we use the computer and it underlines if it's spelled wrong and theres spell check.

Okay, enough of my background. I thought finishing school would solve my problems. I thought that was my only difficulty. Now I struggle so much at work. Once again, people laugh at me or they think I'm careless etc. Some think I'm lazy or don't try.
I take my job very seriously and want to do well. I work for CPS as a social worker. I can't keep up with my administrative duties. I have forgotton about court(and didn't show after being subpoenaed), lost files, am always delinquent with turning in cases, my office looks Hurricane Katrina hit it, and so on. I feel like crying when I think about it. I know I'm good at what I do. I do well with my clients and I'm very intuitive and can tell when people are lying to me. I do well with figuring out the investigative stuff like if a child was abused and how etc. I just suck at the rest.

I also am the parent that always forgets to sign my kids report card, or other papers. I have also lost those things. I get my kids to school late and forget about specific school projects etc. My youngest is just like me and I feel like a failure because I can't help her keep up with her stuff. I can't even keep up with mine. I have forgotton to pay bills and/or lost them etc. My youngest daughter is also dyslexic. I paid a lot of money to put her through a program to help her. I am supposed to follow up with it at home but can't seem to keep an organized schedule to accomplish that plus her homework and cook dinner and complete laundry. Before I know it it's 11 p.m. and I have a mess surrounding me and my daughters in tears cuz its past her bedtime and we didn't get her stuff done.

I really am sorry for this long post. I'm just feeling extremely depressed. I feel like the biggest failure and looser. Everything in my life is in such bad shape and I'm the cause. My finances, my job, my home, my kids, and I can't get control of it. I can spend a day focused on organizing my life. I've written schedules, budgets, and even make it on excel documents. I print them and put them on the fridge. ....I just can't seem to follow it or I loose it or I get off track without realizing it until it's too late.

I do this at work too. I will stay there late one night or come in on a weekend and organize it so I can do better, but before I know it Katrina came back and destroyed everything.

I still wonder if I really have ADD or if I just am really inadequate? Could I really just be careless and lazy or a flake? Could I be in denial or could I doubt myself due to the way my family views me? I am afraid to take Amphetamines due to it being addictive.
I took my first one today and I felt light headed about 30 minutes after. It's now been 1 hour and 40 min ago and the light headedness has warn off for the most part. I'm a little sick to my stomach, but I didn't eat before it like I should have.
I have never used drugs and I don't drink alcohol. I should say I rarely drink alcohol. Once in a great while I will have a drink...and usually don't even drink an entire drink on those rare occasions. I grew up with alcoholics and drug addicts and swore I'd never become them. I'm the only one who went to college and obviously the only one who graduated. I have a Bachelors degree in social work. I know addictions can be hereditary. I am worried about taking ADD meds. I don't think I'd get addicted because I don't like taking any meds and I don't like the light headed feeling I get when I do have alcohol....hence why I don't finish my drink.

Is the light headedness something that will go away as my body gets used to the meds?

I am sure I sound crazy now with this mega long post and I'm sure no one will even bother to read it. I just needed to get all that off my chest to people who may understand and not laugh at me.
I know that I am really not a flake or air head. I also know that I am intelligent regardless of how I come across to some. I really want to appear intelligent and I want to look as though I'm in control and have myself together. Not just look that way....I want to be that way. I want an organized and structured life for myself and my children. I'm not doing well at providing that to them and not showing them how to do it either. My 12 y/o helps me....as I loose my car keys daily. I have them in my hand with out realizing it and set them down without realizing it. She pays attention now and picks them up where I leave them and puts them in my purse...so we aren't running around the next morning looking for them.

Anyway, if you actually read this...thanks and sorry.
You don't need to worry about sounding negative, they were suggestions, nothing more. :) It takes a good deal more than telling me you've tried my suggestions before and they don't work to offend me.

In so many ways you're me, plain and simple, we're peas in a pod. I wasn't able to function any better than you are until I was medicated, and it took a while to find the right medication. I'm just now beginning to get things together in what I hope is a more permanent way, taking it slowly this time, rather than assuming I could change everything overnight. I've accepted outside help for the first time, in the form of a psychologist, and I'm taking everything slowly in hopes of staying at it.

Trust me, I've got files, I've got mail trays, I've got bulletin boards, calendars, accordion files, daytimers, pdas, binders, duotangs, post it notes, you name it, none of it worked until I got help. I'd clean things up and get organized one day and plan out how I was going to keep things that way, and a few days later I was back to the status quo. My finances are terrible, and I'm grossly overweight because 'just this once isn't a problem, I'll be good tomorrow.' I've had cops at my door because I forgot to go to court, I've missed meetings, I've missed appointments, I've been trying, off and on, to get my bachelor's degree since 1993, and still don't have it. I had good success early on with my medication, but in true ADHD fashion, I tried to do too much, overwhelmed myself and crashed.

In my opinion, you really need to cut back on the meds. You can't jump into these meds at such a high dose. The irony of ADHD meds is that the right amount can make you much, much better, while too much can actually make things worse, they can magnify your symptoms. Take a day off from the Adderall and call the doctor to see if you can get a scrip for 10mg instead of 20. You can work up to 20 in a week or two if 10 isn't working for you. Just so you understand how much you're taking, 40mg (that is what you were prescribed, if I recall, 20mg twice a day) is the maximum recommended dosage for treatment of ADHD. The dose can go higher, up to 60mg is recommended for treatment of narcolepsy, and your doctor can prescribe more at his or her discretion, but I feel that jumping from nothing to the maximum recommended dosage not only goes against established procedures, but doesn't give you the opportunity to evaluate smaller doses.

As to an ADHD coach, I have no first-hand experience, so I'm not the right one to do the hard sell. I've been thinking of getting one myself, but I can't afford it until I'm done with the shrink. Until then, I'm working from ADHD self help books, taking my meds and working with my shrink.

Believe me, I feel your frustration. I've been in the same boat all my life. Up until I got on my current medication regime, I was convinced that I was broken in some way that was unfixable, I was wrong.

You're right, you're not hopeless. Keep working and you will get this under control. Think about what I said about the meds, too much can be worse than too little. It may be that Adderall isn't the right med for you, but it's going to be hard to tell until you give a lesser dose a shot.
Adderall IR tablets are safe to break, and if you aren't sleeping, your dose is way too high. Cutting board and kitchen knife works well to break them. Adderall XR are NOT safe to break, or any other slow-release medicine.

Trouble sleeping and eating could be part of why it's making you more emotional.

Yes, there are people who just are not mentally good to be around. It sounds like you've found a way to deal with your mother, and I deeply admire your strength.

Do you have some kind of support system? Friends or nontoxic relatives who live nearby?

Outlook Express: On the left side of the screen, near the top, there's a little button that says, "Calendar." (I only know about this because my boss's boss's administrative assistant uses it. No one was more surprised than me when my computer ordered me to get up and go to the meeting.) If you have trouble, ask a colleague to show you. Generally people are glad to help with minor things if you are direct and polite about what you want.
[QUOTE=ccmitche;4273803]
1) Do any of you have a relative that is overly critical of you and just out right mean?
2) Do you think a more boring job like that would do me better or should I stick with my current?
[/QUOTE]

1) The only thing positive my father did for me was (excuse the expression) have sex with my mother. I never saw him. I still don't know where he was. He did live in the same house with my mother and me. He died about a year ago. Up to but not including day of his death, he made sure I knew he viewed me as the biggest loser. I'd love to pull him out of his grave and, and, kiss him. Damn it anyway, he is my father. That last day, he was barely conscious, he opened his eyes and said "Bob!" I got it. He communicated why the hecks are you here for me when I was never there for you? The winner of most of our shouting matches was the one who could shout loudest. I won nearly all of them. I concluded one of our last of our matches with, "You are more sick in the head than I am." But it wasn't until after his death that I understood. Pop was more ADHD than me. I think. Maybe not. In his day there were no resources, no medications, no (as in zero) support networks. Now, how do I recall those loud mean words I hit him with? He couldn't help it. He did the best he could.

Why, though, did he view me as the biggest loser? I was a pretty smart son-a-gun in grammar school and freshman year of HS. Then I turned bozo. I failled classes, skipped school and while out of school used my favorite ADHD medication - crank, speed, methamphetamine. My dose of 200 to 300 mg, (a a gram would last me a few days), was too high and so was I. I felt so good that I couldn't detect my judgment went from poor to manic with psychotic features. Eventually I got thrown out of the exclusive college prep high school Pop and Mom sent me too and attended lowly (that's a joke) public high still higher than hell. It was, afterall, 1969.

Jemi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, and other extraordinary talents of the time, died too young from mixing booze and pills. That should tell your Mom something. But it won't. Neither Jemi or Jim could grasp the message. They paid the price.

I cleaned up in my early 20's but never graduated from college. My father evidently was living his dream through me. His boy was going to do it. Graduate college. It never happened. I became his biggest loser.

The irony of it all, I continue finding myself trying to win Pop's approval. He, is, dead. Ain't happening, Dude. Don't matter none to this dude. I keep trying anyway.

2) Watch out for boring jobs. I was a private pilot and flew actively for over 20 years. My brain came alive in stimulant rich aviation enviroments. I loved flying into Teterboro, NJ airport and other high density corporate jet traffic areas. The action calmed me down better than any med I've tried. Boring jobs are jobs that lack stimulation. We get ourselves fired from boring jobs.

It is why I loved flying. I'm alive. I'm alive. And I'm clam in situations where not ADHD pilots are white knuckled and sweating bullets. I felt in control. I was in control as long as I stayed in the cockpit and kept the plane in the air. We all know what I turn into on the ground.

Watch out for boring jobs.

I'm forced to do a tangent.

Teterboro is the airport they wanted "Sully" (Captain Chesley Sullenberger) to land at when he lost both engines over NYC about a year ago. Captain Sullenberger ditched that American airline heavy Airbus A320 jet in the Hudson River saving everyone on board. No other pilot has ever ditched a heavy jet in water without flipping it over and killing most if not all on board. Sully coolly says "I was just doing my job." True. He did his job so well the news called it a miracle. The consummate pilot. A pilot's pilot. Captain Cool. Do you detect I admire the man?

By the way, Thu, your freaking Canadian gooses brought Sully's A320 down. Please keep your overweight ducks north of St. Lawrence please. Thank you.

Bob





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