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Not sure if anyone will read this, since the last post was from months ago.

My ADHD is something I think I've always had and never really noticed. Some of my description may me something other than ADHD. I'm not even really sure yet. I have yet to find something that works to fix whatever my problem is.

I've always had temper tantrums where I just freak out and attack people. In public it takes everything I have not to yell at people, including my boss or coworkers. This makes things really difficult. I HAVE yelled at someone over the phone before while at work. I get to the point where I want to break something just to get it out of my system. So there's one thing..sudden outbursts of anger.

I can't concentrate in class. I sit there for more than 10 minutes and I'm bored out of my mind. I cannot focus on what the instructor is saying, even if I try really hard to listen. The words just go in one ear and out the other. Lately I have had trouble reading too, because I just can't concentrate long enough. I always have to be doing more than one thing at a time for me to even begin to sit still.

I have a lot of trouble getting myself to do anything, such as chores or errands. I also have trouble forcing myself to go to work or class (I have trouble getting myself to sit down and do homework too) but I'm not sure if that's an ADHD thing or just a lazy thing. Every once in a while I will have a sudden outburst of energy and I will get a lot accomplished...however, this doesn't happen very often.

My memory is TERRIBLE and I will repeat myself over and over again not even realizing I already said something or already told someone a certain story. Most of those who know me well have learned to either listen multiple times or nicely tell me that I've already told them this same thing more than once..

I have also always had depression. It comes and goes but when it goes it's only gone for a short time before I'm back to hating myself and everything around me once again. For the longest time I thought that I just needed to cure my depression. Only recently has it occurred to me that it may be caused mostly BY the ADHD. I over analyze everything and I'm way too hard on myself. I always imagine the worst. I get myself so worked up stressing and worrying about every little thing that I give myself headaches and I don't even know what it means to fully relax. I retreat within myself and start to feel like I can't do anything right or nobody likes me because I never know what to say or do.

I'm almost 21 now and I was first diagnosed when I was about 13 or 14 I think, though I know it existed long before that. Since then I have taken Concerta, Adderall, Vyvanse, and Strattera in attempt to treat ADHD.

The concerta seemed to work at first, as it was the first thing I tried. I've always gone back to it, but it seems we can't get me up to a high enough dose that works without making me EXTREMELY irritable. It also only seemed to help with my concentration when I was in class.

adderall made me sick and I never noticed any positive results from it.

Vyvanse didn't make me irritable, but it also didn't really help with any of my symptoms.

I've only been on strattera for about a month now and only recently worked up to 80mg, so I'm not sure if it's working yet. I'm not loving how much I have to eat in the morning in order to avoid extreme nausea from the meds, but I'm not ready to give up yet. I also had to start taking xanax with it because it made my existing anxiety ten times worse. I'm at my wits end and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm pretty sure I DO have ADHD. Especially after reading a book my mom suggested (Delivered from Distraction) and feeling like it described me exactly.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

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