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Angel of mercy, it sounds like you are doing the right thing by your son - pediatrician, teacher, psycological reports, medication, good home support. Most men do not believe in a higher education, most boys back in his days and probably from his home life, they just want to get by and out of school. They feel like an education, good grades, good behavior, etc, are unimportant. Your ex sounds ADD to me. Also most men right out a divorce do not want to pay more than what they have to. It is a shame, but that is society. Does he pay his child support? Anyway, I had my pediatrician, teachers, and psychologists to write a letter to the judge - they did this free of charge - explain the situation - it may help. Have this in your possession when the trial comes up. I think you have all the documented proof you need. Let the judge make the decision. Also the judge will look at what kind of behavior your ex has if he ever has to go to court, so keep your cool. If your son has a chance, it is because of you. My son was diagnosed in first grade, I tutored him every school day until he was in the sixth grade, and then I hired outside tutors to help, especially for Algebra. Also in my area we had small elementary schools and middle schools and teachers that were God-sent. I worked very close with them. I am so proud of him. He is enrolled in premed at a local university. But if he hadn't had at least one parent interested and caring about his overall well-being, he would not have made it. My ex-husband was not into better education, but he was for the medication part, because he was ADD and he knew how much it helped him. My ex understood how frustrating it was to sit in a classroom and not be able to be attentive and how nervous and out of control you can get. But I would not go to a great expense for more information, as I think you have all that you will need. Please try to keep all arguments between you and your ex away from your son. Please do not let him know his daddy is the way he is. He will find out soon enough. This is detrimental to your child's well-being. Just try to keep a good, normal, and happy home life. This is very important. The judge will look at this too. Your ex is out of line. Anway, as almost always, the mother is the important role model person here. The mothers have all the responsibility including battles with the ex. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family in this trying time. Your strength will come when you think you cannot go on, been there. Remain strong and have a good outlook and I guarantee you will have no regrets, as I had none. Badgirl

[This message has been edited by badgirl (edited 03-16-2003).]
Angle_of_mercy,
First let me say you are doing the right thing by helping your son and being very persistant. Ignore your ex-husband, because as stated before, more than likely he has ADD himself. It would not matter what you said or how you said it, he will not hear you. In fact I would not even discuss it with him any further. If he is concerned he will come to you. Then I would only discuss it with him if he is sensible. Focus on your son so he can become successful in life. You are going to have to help him build the foundation he is going to need in life. I agree, you need to get some books on ADD. It will help you get thru this time without having a breakdown. You need to arm yourself with as much information so you can understand you son’s disorder. I would like to suggest two books to you. “From Emotions to Advocacy” and ‘Attention Deficit Disorder – A different perception”. Both of these books are very good book. I know exactly how you feel because my situation was similar to your. My son was diagnosed with a learning disability at 5 years old. He wasn’t diagnosed with ADD until he was 8 years old. I have worked with my son for years to help keep his self-esteem from being destroyed. My ex-husband was aware he had a learning problem. He had never been tested but he knew from the way he struggled. You will need to ignore anyone who is not supportive of your efforts. In the long run it is your son who will benefit from your efforts. If your son is doing well in the Christian School, I would leave him there. Most children with ADD do not handle change very well. One other thing I would like to suggest is giving your son chores or other responsibilities to do at home. It will give him practice on completing tasks, which can carryover in other areas. Praise him whenever he puts forth an effort. Praise really does work. Good luck.





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