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I am a 36 yr old female Mom of 2 boys(1 son each from previous and current marriage), married to the most wonderfully patient and loving man and a RN/SAHM for now....

I happened across this message board and SO DESPERATELY need your help!

My son is now 8 yrs old. His father and I divorced when he was just 2. While in preschool and kindergarten, he was impulsive, hyper,
inattentive etc. The teacher called me at work one day and told me to "come remove him from school and don't bring him back until he is under control."
Very harsh. I called and found the Psychological Testing service that could see him the soonest (against my ex-husband's wishes since he thinks there is nothing wrong with his son- couldn't be- no way).
He was diagnosed then with ADHD. I took the form to my son's pediatrician and he placed him on Ritalin. The ex threw a fit and demanded I take him off of it instead of drugging him when I just didn't want to put up with an "overactive boy".
My ex-husband has kicked and screamed for 6 years that nothing is wrong with his son. He has been re-tested by a psychiatrist of his choice, who
diagnosed him with "adjustment disorder" not ADHD. Well, 6 years later, he still hasn't "adjusted". We have had him on Ritalin, Catapres, Adderall and now Concerta 54mg for the past year or so and he is doing exceptionally well. I took it upon myself to enroll
Blake in a private Christian school (10 kids to 1 teacher) and he has Ritalin 10mg before getting out of bed in the morning and then the Concerta before he goes to school. Usually the Concerta wears off around 4-5pm and homework is a disaster, so we are considering having him take the Concerta at school at 10am.

The problem is..... My ex-husband cannot see or will not believe that his son has a disorder. He is in total DENIAL. He doesnt want "his son to be labeled special education and then he will never go anywhere in life" which is exactly what would happen if I didn't fight so hard for him. He doesn't think he needs to go to a Christian school (public was good enough for me- it's good enough for Blake).
He is excelling at the Christian school. On the A&B Honor Roll most of the time- would be all of the time if it weren't for his chicken scratch writing. My ex wants to stop the medicine and send him to a
public school where there are 25/28 kids to 1 teacher and in his class now there are 9 kids to 2 teachers.
Well, to get to my point, we have had this constant struggle since Blake was 2. Since his Dad adamantly refused to believe this could be happening to HIS son, I have taken charge and done it all for
Blake. ADHD testing was done -not once-twice- but THREE times to please his father (didn't happen). I also took it upon myself to start Blake on medicine (although his father said he didn't need medication). Our original divorce/separation agreement states that:
blah blah blah..... Respondent and Petetitioner shall share equally any and all future expenses until the the minor child's 18th birthday, his graduation from college or marriage, whichever comes first. These expenses include but are not limited to: dances,
parties, scouting, sports, tuition, books, all educational expenses blah blah blah. I have 2 psychologists, 2 psychiatrists, and 1
pediatrician who say Blake has ADHD.
Since it is court ordered for him to pay (has been court ordered TWICE and he has yet to comply), I went back to court to attempt to regain some of the nearly $5,000 I have spent in the past 3 years. He is still
fighting me tooth and nail. We went to court yesterday and he isn't budging. Now, I am going to have to get a deposition from Blake's psychiatrist @ $700.00 hour.
My reason for posting and asking for help is many.... I need to cite laws, specific references, known and studied facts to help me in the hearing. I don't know really where to even begin. I was going to call around to the local elementary schools and just ask them all how many teachers:students do they have for all of their 3rd grade classes as a start.
Another thing, since his Dad has denied anything and hasn't agreed to the private school, am I wasting my time trying to make him pay "tuition and other educational expenses" if I didn't ASK or
CONSULT him before enrolling him? He is (always has been) too unreasonable so when he isn't and hasn't been approachable, I've had to take matters into my own hands to resolve the problems/issues as they arose. When the school says, "remove him and don't bring him back until he is under control- "SWITCH SCHOOL's" as his Dad said, isn't the answer~
I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and I don't have to money to pay more atty fees, court costs, Dr's depostion fees ($700./hr) and STILL end up paying all of tuition myself.

I hope I don't appear greedy because believe me, my son is the most important thing to me- unlike the money that his father has a hard time parting with. (His father has 2 FULL TIME jobs with insurance at
each, has 2 new cars and a souped/chromed up $22,000 Harley Davidson and he has just filed bankruptcy on every other debt he has and he "can't afford" to help his son obtain the best education he can??????

I need help! Advice, directions on where to go, anything from anyone! I appreciate anything you can do for me! Legally, emotionally, psychologically, medically etc!!!!

a frazzled ADHD Mommy

Mom of Blake 8 yrs old- ADHD
Mom of Christian 5 mos.-WILD

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