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To Have ADD
Mar 20, 2012
Just wanted to share a few thoughts on having ADD. I have struggled with it since childhood and wasn't diagnosed until early twenties. I always try to find a simple way of describing how it feels to me to make my family/husband/doctor understand how it feels. And I think that's part of ADD frustration, that you feel like people don't UNDERSTAND why you are the way you are and end up thinking you don't care, are irresponsible, disconnected. Of course trying to simplify it is tough because the feelings and behaviors are so complex and aren't always across the board. So this morning I had a thought that sums up how it feels to me. [B]Boredom[/B]. About 90% of the time. If I'm not terribly interested in what I'm doing, it's all boring and mundane. Work, driving, peoples conversations, household responsibilities. Have you ever felt such intense boredom that it almost physically hurts? You want to care and not be bored but have you ever tried to feign interest in something that doesn't interest you? Its tough! And you just want to get whatever it is you are doing out of the way so you can move on to something that just isn't boring. I battled substance abuse in college, which was no doubt self-medicating. Being on something actually let me slow down and enjoy what I was doing. Now one thing that relieves me is turning on the tv, listening to Pandora on my Ipad while surfing the net, with my phone in one hand checking texts. Yes, this is soothing.
So I've been on Adderall XR for various stints in the past but always end up stopping because I struggle with the thought of medicating myself and because of the crabby crash at the end of the day. Right now I am taking Vyvanse for the 4th week but really don't care for it. It gives me headaches, mood swings, only lasts about 5 or 6 hours, and is making me break out badly (I have never had breakouts in my life). Also I am a very healthy eater and it hasn't allowed me a balanced diet and I don't ever feel like working out on it. I am going to try one more round with the Adderall (unless the doc has another suggestion). I hope something works because my husband is going to kill me if I change jobs or make us move one more time to aleviate my boredom. He has told me he just wants a year with no changes. Sorry this is so long. Just wanted to share my 2 cents. If you made it this far thank you for reading!

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