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Re: Middle Age ADD
Aug 6, 2003
Long and rambling -
I am 31 and just was diagnosed early this year. I have spent the last 3 years caring for my father who has Alzheimers. ~1.5 years ago I went to a Psychaitrist because the pressure of work and caring for my father left me in a constant panic attack. It literally lasted all day long and in the evening. He gave me Paxil, which helped the attacks a lot but I still was not 100%. I still had trouble sleeping so the Dr put me on Trozadone. That helped my sleep but the tingling effect of trozadone made it uncomfortble until my body got used to it. Then I was groggy in the morning and unable to focus all day. I am a programmer so groggy=losing your job soon.

A year ago this month I put my dad in a care home and my whole life fell apart. I had been running my life on pure fear for months(even with the paxil) and was juggling lots of very responsible material that could not be ignored. My psychaitrist had been telling me to get counseling from a psychologist for over a year but I thought the medicine was all I needed. The 2 months after I put my father in the home I was able to let go of my responsibility to him and the source of my fear disappeared. I fell into a severe depression. Did not mow the lawn for 7 months, the dishes have been in the sink for over 12 months now without being cleaned. I live alone. Since no one was there to see my mess I just left it.
So I see a psychopharmocologist. I tell him that I am always frustrated and aggrivated. I get furious for the smallest thing and always think people are criticizing me when they make comments. I get defensive and always end up looking immature to my co-workers. After 7 weeks of 1 hour tests he determines that I have adult ADD. All my extended family said that it has always been obvious to them but they never could connect the dots. He put me on Adderall 30mg XR and increased my Paxil to 40mg(this is hard to wean off at this dosage). I was fine for 3 months except for severe sweating and some weight gain. Then I noticed that my personality had changed. I no longer cared what other people thought about me and I became a bit more crass and was really being an ass. I almost got in a fist fight for making an inappropriate comment to a woman about how much she looked like a whore while her boyfriend was there. Not good!!! That is not me.
So a few months later the Adderall is not working as well and my Dr increases my dosage to 2x20mg XR in the morning. This worked fine for about 6 weeks then I was fuzzy headed again and gained 40 lbs(depression). I go back to my DR and complain. He puts me on Welbutrin 150mg 2x daily. It kills my hunger but doesnt do much for my depression and my panic attacks came back. Then I dropped adderall and have been on strattera 60mg and welbutrin 200mg 2x daily for a week now.
I am still not sure my diagnosis is 100%. All they have told me is that I have ADD. Seems weird, but I think that I have something else going on too. I did fine for 30 years, graduated college in 7 years but with honors. It seems like my life has been unnecessariy hard because I waited so long. It interfered with my relationships too. I have not dated anyone in 5 years due to all this and I hope that sometime soon I will be able to live a normal lfe again. If I had not run into some extreme stress I would never have found out what was wrong. I don't tell anyone I have ADD unless they are close. No one believes that it is a real illness and think you are just using it as an excuse to be lazy.

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