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I feel like you might benefit from a different medication. In many cases, the agitation and anxiety are found to be less prevalent on dextroamphetamine (Vyvanse or Dexedrine). You will also likely find that you're less likely to crash when these meds lose their effect. The intense highs and lows tend to be more associated with Adderall than with these other meds.

I can relate to both the anxiety and agitation effects, I got to the point I was downright aggressive for a little while when I first started taking Adderall and Wellbutrin together (under my psychiatrist's supervision). The problem with stimulants is that they cause effects throughout your system, there are no medications out there that effect only ADHD. As a result, many of the comorbid issues that accompany ADHD such as anxiety and obsessive behaviour can also be magnified. Often, as your body and brain adjust to the medication somewhat, you will find that some of these side effects disappear.

As to dosing and body weight, it's likely but not guaranteed that body mass will have an effect on how much medication will be required. It's not a hard and fast rule, however, so you can't make assumptions on that basis. You have to go through the process and see how you react at various doses.

If you and your doctor decide that sticking with Adderall is the right move, I recommend talking to your doctor about lowering your initial dosage, but increasing your afternoon booster dosage. You were having side effect issues at 25+5, now I'm seeing that you're at 20+0, and while you're still struggling with side effects somewhat, the benefits are wearing off in the early afternoon. Consider something along the lines of 15mg in the morning and 10mg at noon or 1. That should give you a more sustained, but less pronounced effect throughout the day.

Depression diagnoses are very common with ADHD. My own initial diagnosis was depression. I didn't personally agree with it, but deferred to the doctors and nearly died because of it. It's only now becoming understood that adding SSRIs to ADHD can actually [I]activate[/I] , so treating our disorder as depression can actually be extremely dangerous (of course, at the time it was considered impossible for Celexa to [I]make[/I] me depressed, so I got a lot of incredulous looks from doctors and pharmacists). The unfortunate thing about psychology is it's a lot less objective than we would like to believe; you could present the same symptoms to 5 different psychologists and walk away with 5 different diagnoses.

My experience has left me with the belief that many doctors have a 'catch-all' diagnosis, one that they default to when they're unsure. For many doctors this diagnosis is depression--given the explosion in ADHD diagnoses out there, it's clear that many other doctors use ADHD as their 'catch-all.'

As to my own situation, I've been through this journey and I'm comfortable with where I'm at. Each member of my family has their own issues to deal with; they're as supportive as they can be given their individual worldviews, and I can't really ask much more of them. The rules of the board discourage giving away too much personal information, but I suspect I can get away with admitting that I'm 40 years old, and I work at a treatment facility for youth with addictions and mental health issues that have found themselves in the care of the justice system.

I appreciate the compliments. I always knew (I say 'knew' because 'believed' isn't a strong enough word) that I was intelligent, but spent most of my life frustrated at my inability to make use of my smarts. I would always do really well in highly structured situations, and would be promoted quickly to entry-level management positions. Unfortunately, when they make you a manager, they expect you do be able to structure your own work, and I would wash out shortly after my promotion, because I did not possess that ability. Washing out of another job, or another year of university would depress me, and I would go through a period of hating myself before starting the process all over again.

Learning about ADHD, and realizing that it was my demon changed my life. I have spent the last five years learning to accept myself for who I am, and I've learned a ton about how to function despite my affliction. I have benefitted immensely from simply learning to drop 'stupid' and 'worthless' from my personal vocabulary. I have been frustrated by my seemingly endless ability to develop tolerance for medications, but at the same time, I function better now without medication that I ever did before the diagnosis (that said, I'm currently on 40mg Vyvanse which is working nicely for the time being). My hope is to continue to work on applying CBT to my daily life, and hope to one day get to the point that medication is moot.

Don't sell yourself short. It's clear from your posts that you're very intelligent yourself. Your struggle to maintain attention is going to be a serious personal challenge for you, but that's a challenge that that someone as smart as you can overcome. There's a book that made a big difference to me early on. It's by 2 women named Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, who have suffered with ADHD for a long time, and have learned to overcome it with humour and grace. It's called [I]You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! [/I], and I'm sure the title speaks to you the way it did to me. It's a brilliant book that provides a lot of great insight. After that, it's CBT, CBT, CBT! ;) You won't regret it.





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