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I am having a very difficult time with this. Here's my story. I am open to any advice.

My wife and I were both previously married. The child in question is my step-son. He is in 1st grade.

When I read the wikipedia page regarding the signs of hyperactive and impulsive traits, I see my step-son. He exhibits every single one of those traits in spades.

[B]Hyperactive: [/B]

[LIST]
[*]Fidget and squirm in their seats
[*]Talk nonstop
[*]Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
[*]Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, doing homework, and story time
[*]Be constantly in motion
[*]Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities
[/LIST]

My step-son does all of this. And not just occasionally. He is this way all the time.

[B]Impulsive:[/B]

[LIST]
[*]Be very impatient
[*]Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
[*]Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
[*]Often interrupts conversations or others' activities
[/LIST]

This, too, is him to a "T".

He cannot sit still in any setting. He makes noise from the moment he wakes in the morning until he falls asleep at night. He is never quiet. He interrupts conversations constantly. He's very rude about it too. He needs his demands met immediately or he gets angry. He hates taking turns. When he boils over, he hits. He frequently "growls" at his mother or me when we tell him he cannot do something, or that he must stop a certain behavior.

In school, one thing or another sets him off, and he has a meltdown and cannot refocus, so they cannot re-admit him back to the classroom with other students. So he gets sent home.

He had his annual checkup this fall before school and the doctor said his hearing and eyesight are fine.

Last year we tried to send him to Kindergarten. He was sent home repeatedly for the first few months, until his mom had enough and withdrew him from school altogether. She home schooled him after that.

This year, same story.

We have had some difficult arguments about this, my wife and I.

I have looked at his behavior and the symptoms of ADHD and am convinced that he is a poster child for ADHD hyperactive/impulsive type. She believes there is absolutely nothing wrong with him and that he's "just 5" ( when he was 5) and now he's "just being 6". She thinks I'm dead wrong about the ADHD.

We have other children. Some mine, some hers. None of them exhibit this child's behavior.

If this were my biological child I would go to a doctor immediately and ask for an assessment. His behavior is very disruptive to our life. It's not just school - his behavior makes our home life a living hell at times. He's difficult on vacation, out at restaurants, anywhere.

I don't see him as a defiant child. I don't think his behavior is intentional. I think he cannot help himself. I want to help him; I want to have a doctor do an ADHD assessment and see if he really has it and if we can treat it. There are moments when he can be caring and loving. But most of the time he's just a whirlwind, and when he's angry or frustrated it's devastating.

My wife is in complete denial and I know if I bring it up again she's going to flip out. It could mean a serious problem for our marriage. She simply will not entertain the idea that her son is anything less than normal.

I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end with this child and his behavior. I want to help, and I can't.





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