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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Ok my problems began about 2-3 months ago when a friends boyfriend offered to let me try some cocaine. I'd only drank occasionally and smoked weed about 5 times before that so I'm not very knowledgeble about drugs, especially harder drugs. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the cocaine was cut with extasy, but I didn't know that until later when I found a pill in my appartment and asked a friend what it was. They knew I'd never done the coke before, but I spent the day with them and did line for line with them, totaling 11. I didn't think about the fact that they've been addicted to the stuff for years and I'd never done it... I didn't have any problems until we were at their friends house and someone was passing around a bowl. I don't really like weed, it makes me feel awful, but the second time it was passed to me I took a hit and IMMEDIATELY couldn't breathe. Not the usual coughing or whatever, but I literally couldn't breathe, my airway closed. Nobody really paid any attention to me though. About a minute later I started "seeing double." I looked around the table and after I stopped, I swear I didn't move my head again but the slow motion moving around the table played again in my mind and I saw it like I was moving my head. It kept doing that for a few minutes and I knew I was about to start freaking out. I got up to go find someone I knew and when I found them I tried to talk but nothing came out. That really made me freak out and I went to find his brother. I sat there for a while before I finally managed to mumble that I didn't feel well. Every word I said I had to FORCE myself to say. Nobody believed me for a while and they kept asking if I just wanted more coke. Of course I said no... Then I started getting these sensations in my head that sort of felt like my brain cells were dying layer by layer. It kept up for about a half an hour, by that time my body had added to the sensations of cells dying. Say the outer layer of my brain would tingle and go numb, then the corresponding outer layer of my body would tingle and go numb all the way down, then it would move to the next layer. When it got to the middle it would start all over again. I begged them to take me to the hospital, because I really thought I was dying. They had me go sit in the car and they stalled forever talking to me to calm me down. I thought my heart was going to explode. They gave me water and tried to give me some pill but I refused to take it because I thought I had enough **** in my body. Oh and I hadn't eaten or drank anything all day, I forgot I guess. Anyway, they kept me in the car for about 45 minutes and when they went inside to do something I called my best friend on my cell phone. He'd done a lot of drugs but he didn't help me any, just told me I wasn't going to die and I'd be okay. (Later he told me I sounded like a 4 year old lost kid talking to mall security) After I got off the phone I was sitting there looking at the windshield when I saw the ambulence coming down the street with their red lights flashing. I got excited that I wasn't going to die and they actually called the hospital so I took off my seatbelt and went to get out. When I turned around to look it was only a car backing in to the house across the street with it's brake lights on :( So then I was really scared cause I've never hallucinated before. I actually sat there doing math problems in my head and spelling everything I could think of because I was terrified I was going to wake up mentally handicapped, or in a wheelchair, or not at all. I ended up getting them to take me home where I sat in bed and drank some water. I started feeling a little better and they had me go with them to their last house. We were there for about 3 hours and all I did was drink glass after glass of water. I'd drink a glass and piss it out 30 seconds later, go down another glass and piss it right back out. I didn't talk to anyone, though they tried to offer me more coke I just sat there. The rest of the night went ok, I finally got home and went right to sleep.
After that night I've had many problems. First either the next day or 2 days later I was a work and my heart starting HURTING. My friend said it was just withdrawl, which it probably was. Then my period started messing up and I spotted very dark blood for a few days. That month it was very light, the next not at all, but perfect this month (and my period has never been messed up before this, I'm also on the pill) And in 2 weeks I went through the same symptoms I had that night with the pounding heart, tingling sensations and crap about 4 times. At first my friends said withdrawl, but after about 3 weeks I thought coke would be out of me by then. I would be fine for a few days then BAM it hit me and I'd feel like crap again. Then at work one day my face started tingling and the tingling changed body parts but never went away. So after 3 days I called my mom freaking out and told her what I did and that I wanted to go to the ER so she said I should go. I had a friend drop me off and I went in and told them everything. They did a CAT scan, blood work, an EKG and talked to me for 2 hours asking every question there is to ask. They said they couldn't find anything wrong with me and sent me home with a referral to a neurologist. Well I went to him and he set up an MRI and more blood work to be done. During this time my mom started thinking about some of my symptoms I had before I ever did the cocaine and tried to convince me I was hypoglycemic. Well when I went back to the neurologist the results for everything came back negative. He said something about multiple sclerosis could show up in 10 years, but he just diagnosed me with having panic attacks and prescribed Ativan. Well my mom had me go to my hometown doctor and get the hypoglycemia test. That came back positive, but I'm not very bad. Still, after changing my diet nothing changed. I had a follow up with my neuro and told him I didn't like the Ativan because while it did make me calmer, it didn't stop the tingling, chest pressure and other symptoms. He gives me Neurontin. My mom said to get a second oppinion so I went back to my hometown doctor only this time I actually told him about the cocaine. He said I COULD have had a stroke that night and it probably wouldn't have shown up on the CAT scan and maybe not even on the MRI, but there was nothing they could do about it now and he also diagnosed me with having panic attacks. He prescribed Paxil CR, which I can't afford cause I don't have insurance (oh the hospital and Dr bills I have :) )
Now for the final part. Everyone I talk to that knows me disagrees. My boss told me she doesn't see me and the anxious type, but she doesn't know about the coke. Well I have been terrified of getting messed up again in any way and I didn't until last night. I smoked some weed (which yeah I don't like in the first place... peer pressure?) and everything came back. Full on tingling in brain and body, jerky movements, muscle spasms, inability to talk, and halluciantions. This time it was auditory though. I was laying in their bed and I heard them out in the living room saying stuff like "you should have her call her mom cause I don't think she's gonna make it" and "we need to call an ambulence soon" At first I freaked but after a few minutes I rationalized that they didn't really say that and I was hallucinating. I laid down for an hour and fought the urge to call off work. Finally I just sucked it up and went in hoping I didn't smell like weed, or fall over and die...
So now I'm even more terrified than ever of getting ****ed up. Really terrified, I get so terrified of dying, something I never worried about until I thought I was about to. Now my question to all the people that have more experience with drugs than me is do you really think I'm just panicking about everything and I just need to not worry about it (which is what I'm TRYING to do) or could I have actually messed something up very badly that night? My heart still feels like it's beating irradically sometimes, which is what bothers me the most. I thought that they would have found something in their tests, but after reading some posts on other boards, I don't know about doctors anymore.
PLEASE help me, this is driving me crazy. I never used to think about suicide but I have been a lot lately because I can't stand feeling like I'm about to die, it's awful and I want it to be over. I don't even want to take the medication the doctors gave me because I'm afraid of putting any drug in my body, helpful or harmful. Hell it was hard to start taking my birth control pills again, and even the thought of taking asprin creeps me out. Sorry this is so long, but PLEASE help

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