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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hello- Maybe someone can help me here. At this moment this is not about pills, but pot. I am pretty much now, an addict to everthing. I have known and admitted this for a while.
Started smoking and drinking at 13 ( Raised by police-learned how not to get caught-never have got caught , did drugs and drank in over 25 country's, at 24 met a knew friend, went to their friends house and never left for 6 mo's-massive coke.
Then I thought I was proud of myself for moving away. Did'nt take long for drinking to take over and started having same kind's of reactions and blowing up -like the coke.
Then got married to my patient wife, I Dabbled in everthing for awhile, then I found AA meetings--did'nt really do the program-just went to meetings.but some how it helped me somewhat,( hav'nt drank in 10 years)-BUTT-It's like I'm on the outside watching myself replace one with the other and the horrible feelings tagging along and now it's like the simple act of getting and smoking pot makes me feel like I'm battling coke drinkig or pills again.
One other problem is my Back. In the 70's and 80's I raced Moto cross. It's either the racing or the coke or everthing I've done to my body thru the years, but in 98 they found that my spine had grown thru the disc in lumbar and cervical. in 98 they basiclly cut my spine in half where it grew thru the disc and took bone and grafted-and put in 2 plates/3 pins-did'nt stop the pain and started massive muscle spasm's-then in 2000 they put 1 plate/2 pins in my neck ( weird surgery thru the front of my neck)anyway did'nt work. Still crunching spasms and now lot's of numbness down legs and arms Hard to explain the rest of the pain in the middle of my chest. Was supposed to have surgery 1 1/2 year ago.This is crazy...then just before surgery I got laid off of my 5 year job and my wife lost her 13 year job within a month.(corporate is evil) We had a rough year-but we both have jobs now just alot less.
I was on any pill I wanted for about a year. (The fools would give me anything I asked for just to go away)some how I got off the pills and then that's when the pot started eating at me. FF to now and I'm working 50 to 60 hours aweek just to make enuff to get by. This is insane.. I have like 1 friend left that is'nt ooc-and lets me come over to smoke whenever.
The problem is I cant turn this I gotta get high-dont get caught machine off in my head.. and I go to a new back doc to schedule more surgery next week--sooo then more pill's?? What for a month or 2 -then the way i tapered is with the pot and now here I am wanting to quitt pot but it seems to be the only thing that makes my mind not recognize the pain.
Sorry, probaly not making any since, so i'll stop now.


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